ON CAMPUS — It happens — a lot. You’re drinking in your dorm room when suddenly you realize you and your friends have been playing “flip the card over and drink” for two hours. You need adventure, mystery, intrigue. You need to conquer the great outdoors. What could be better than the cold air on your sweaty face and the open campus loop under your stumbling feet? But beware. If you happen to be a wee bit lazy in terms of coordination or just really enjoy skipping while intoxicated, do not — I repeat, do not — go near the OceanView Terrace Dumpsters. There will be cops, and although you will pretend not to hear them when they bark “Hey,” you will not outrun them. You will be taken downtown and you will be charged $100 for riding in a police vehicle.

So there it is: If you want to check off the memorable experience of getting handcuffed against a cop car before second quarter has rolled around, stop by the OVT Dumpsters; just make sure you’ve got friends nice (and sober) enough to pick you up from downtown San Diego at 4 a.m.