Step into the shoes of Fred Simmons (Danny McBride), an
incompetent taekwondo instructor and self-proclaimed badass. He runs a generic
strip-mall dojo in the boonies and relishes the power he wields over his
pupils. Back at home, though, his relationship with his scandalous wife Suzie
(Mary Jane Bostic) falls apart when she returns from her first day at work with
Xeroxed titty photos and a boss blow-job confession.

Simmons can only find solace in chubby apprentice Julio
(Spencer Moreno), nerd-creeper friend Mike McAlister (Jody Hill) and personal
savior Chuck “The Truck” Wallace (Ben Best), a B-movie martial artist with a
penchant for coke and anonymous sex. Ultimately, Simmons unites his students,
defeats his rival and emerges wiser and victorious. If you took all of the
awesome out of “The Karate Kid,” replaced Ralph Macchio with a Will Ferrell
archetype and staged every scene in “Fist” with “Napoleon Dynamite”’s deadpan
pace, you’d begin to understand how unnecessary this movie is.

To start, who doesn’t love an inspirational montage?
Normally they’re set to bumping ’80s classics that emphasize the protagonist’s
progress through blood, sweat and tears, but in “Fist” they just serve as empty
padding to fill out the film’s paltry 87 minutes (which feel embarrassingly
long). About 10 of those minutes are hilarious dialogue between Simmons and his
students, a triumphant break-up with his slutty wife (who looks like a porn
reject) and a bloody fight with “The Truck” after Simmons finds him sleeping
with his woman. Bostic can’t act her way out of a Texas Manhandler, let alone a
me-too indie comedy, and you feel a little dirty and ashamed watching her with
an audience.

On the other hand, McBride’s portrayal of the awkward
instructor is both uncomfortable and realistic, partly because of his acting
chops but also because the script is an unusual brand of shitty.

You can see why comedy stalwarts like Will Ferrell and Judd
Apatow put their seal of approval on the film — because McBride’s comedic
timing and candid style show promise — but the choppy dialogue and minimal
(read: laughable) plot keep the mustached star from reaching his full
potential. See it if you loved “Grandma’s Boy” or “Freddy Got Fingered.” June
6.