Sometimes I pretend to be a serious journalist. So, when three students from Students for a Sexier Campus came tromping into the Guardian office shortly after 4 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon, I was somewhat prepared. I had invited them, after all. We were to have an interview. A sexy interview.
There was Shannon, the founder and president of the club; Mary, the PR vixen; and Will, the photographer, who’s probably the only person who takes pictures of nearly nude college girls without getting paid. I was hung over, and told them so. They sat in three chairs arranged in a semicircle; I sat with my laptop balanced on my quivering loins as the questions I’d typed up for the interview swam on the screen in front of me. They glowed with the success of their second-ever midnight Undie Run, held on Jan. 20. I clicked on my virgin tape recorder and the fun began.
Guardian: So how did you guys get the club [Students for a Sexier Campus] started?
Shannon: Well, I’ve been talking to friends at other schools, and they always raved about the crazy things that happened on campus and their big events. All we have here is Sun God, and thought that was pretty sad … so I decided that we’d start an Undie Run here on campus. I talked to my friend at UCLA, and they have an Undie Run there, every quarter. So the first week back from winter break I started making flyers.
G: How awesome was the Undie Run, on a scale of 1 to 10?
S: 20!
G: You’re very modest. I appreciate that.
Mary: Well, there’s not much better than people running around in their underwear.
G: I was looking at the pictures on Facebook and I couldn’t quite tell — how many people were actually there [at the Undie Run]?
S: There were about 70 people who ran but at the end, there were probably more. People joined in when they saw us out there.
Will: I actually counted … there were about 80 people in one of the pictures I took.
G: Oh. Now that we all know each other and I’m acquainted with your group, we’re going to play Twister. It’s gonna be awesome. This Twister set doesn’t get very much action, so I figured you guys would be down.
S: Are you serious?
G: Yeah.
[Then we played some Twister out in the hallway. Their Twister technique was obviously honed. Their limbs twisted in a pleasing manner. They’d done this before. Mary’s behind came close to Shannon’s face at one point; Will played with disinterested attachment but eventually won the game.]
G: Well, that was fun. OK, more questions … on a scale of 1 to 10, how sexy is UCSD?
S: Um … 5.
W: I’d say a 4, based on my genetics class.
G: On a scale of 1 to 10, how sexy am I?
S: 10!
M: …
W: …
G: Come on guys, this is a serious question.
M: …
W: …
G: What is your organization’s mission, besides holding crazy orgies every weekend?
S: Well, that’s pretty much it.
G: The orgies? Awesome!
S: [suddenly serious] The point is to have more traditions.
G: You mean sexy traditions?
S: Yeah, sexy traditions! Things that, y’know, people come to and they have fun.
M: If you ask any current or past UCSD student, they’ll say the thing they dislike about UCSD is the lack of pointless fun. We don’t have a rivalry with another school … we don’t band together for big football games or anything.
S: The point is to have more on-campus activities that anyone can do if they want.
M: Yeah, more on-campus activities. We don’t have Frat Row, we don’t have a lot of other things … we don’t have a lot of activities that you can walk to and then walk home.
S: And our campus is so big, too! We have the six college system, which is meant to give people the feeling of a small community, but it doesn’t really.
G: Does your group have any membership requirements? Because you guys are sexy, but not everyone is.
S: It’s an open club. The only official part of the club is that it’s a Facebook group. That’s the point … sexy is a state of mind. It really is.
S: If you’re willing to be in your underwear, you can be in our club.
G: Has it occurred to you that your club discriminates against asexual people?
S: [laughs]
M: [laughs]
W: [laughs]
G: We’re gonna play the game Hot or Not. Chancellor Fox: Hot or not?
M: NOT.
G: Fair enough. If you could do one thing to her to make her sexy, what would you do?
M: See her half-naked.
G: You want to see Chancellor Fox half-naked? Are you serious? She probably wears, like, men’s boxers.
S&M: That’s fine.
S: To each their own! Sexiness is a state of mind.
G: Come on. Chancellor Fox looks like a potato with a bad haircut.
W: I’m sure she has a good personality.
G: She doesn’t. Hot or not: my boobs.
M: Hot.
S: Hot.
M: Small boobs are sexy.
G: Awww, thank you. Doing it in the road: Hot or not?
ALL: Hot! Veerrry hot!
G: Doing it on Library Walk.
M&S: Hot.
G: Doing it on Library Walk at noon with people walking by.
M: Do they know?
G: Well, they’re walking by. They’re probably gonna catch on.
M: Ehhh …
G: Can you pull it off?
W: Sure.
S: I personally think the eighth floor of Geisel would be a great place.
M: Yeah, I was gonna say Geisel.
G: What’s the best place to have sex on campus?
M: I’ve heard that Pepper Canyon is pretty, uh, open.
G: Like the actual canyon?
M: No, the lecture hall.
S: I think Geisel!
M: [murmurs agreement]
W: [agrees]
G: Are you guys speaking from experience here?
W: Yes.
G: Are you actively recruiting for your sexy club?
S: Last quarter we looked into becoming a real club registered with S.O.L.O., but we decided against that because of unwanted restrictions.
G: Like what?
S: Like having to account for what we were spending money on.
G: Like booze? Condoms?
S: Yeah.
M: Yeah.
S: Our club is unofficial. [Note: Students for a Sexier Campus has 136 members on Facebook.]
G: When is your next Undie Run?
S: Next quarter. Every quarter.
G: Awesome. I’ll be there.
S: Bring your mom.
G: Uh, what?
Verdict: Students for a Sexier Campus are definitely legit, and not creepy at all. They’re spectacular at Twister, promised Jell-O shots at their next party, and approved of my underwear choices (little boys’ superhero undies). Rock on, Sexy People! I hope your club lasts much longer than the confusing mix of excitement and shame I feel after interviewing you.
