Guys seem like they’re real easy, don’t they? To get off, I mean. Supposedly, it just takes a few rubs with their own hands, a few more rubs with the partner’s hand — or perhaps a few licks from willing lips — and they’re quite orgasmically satisfied. Well, first of all, although this may be true for most, it is certainly not true for all. Secondly, even if it were true that all men could easily be satisfied within a few minutes, it would be absolutely no excuse for making those experiences less than mediocre. So, today’s question arises: How can the lover make a blow job or a hand job something more than just more complicated masturbation sessions? (I’ll address the vagina in another issue.)

Above all else, I am going to stress that it depends on the guy. Assuming the relationship is a steady union, the absolute best thing a lover can do is learn to pleasure by listening, experimenting, learning and most of all, asking. As awkward as asking and showing really seem, it can yield quite glorious results just to be nice and clear about what you, the man being pleasured, want. It is impossible for me, or anyone else, to give the sure-fire trick for making your man go wild in bed. Usually, a willing, fun-seeking attitude is the only guarantee a partner has — otherwise, it’s up to chance. But we’ll name off a few options that could lead lovers to a pleasure party, just for kicks.

Hand jobs

First, the man must be in a comfortable position, mostly because it’s difficult for his partner to figure out how to keep rubbing in the exact same motion without having his or her arm fall asleep in the process. A constant, well-placed and perfectly pressured movement is what it takes to get a man off, but changing the movement and teasing the penis for a while will make the eventual orgasm much more appreciated. Lubrication is also your friend, be it saliva, KY, Vaseline or vaginal fluids. Here are a few suggestions to fool around with:

— Alternate the pressure in your fingers and palm as you move up and down the shaft. It keeps the penis guessing.

— Turn the palm around the penis like a screw while moving, but don’t clinch too hard. Ask to watch him masturbate a little and take note of the angle, pressure and speed. This will indicate the movement needed to get him off. Also, use both hands, one playing with the shaft, one teasing the tip.

— Touch yourself while doing it. Do it standing up, lying down, behind him, in front of him, every way you can.

Blow jobs

First, know that the testicles are a very important part of the blow job. Don’t neglect them with either mouth or hands, and be extremely gentle!

— Teeth and lips: Most guys don’t like teeth, and when they do, it’s usually a minor soft scraping that just tickles and teases a bit. Use your lips to cover them, or just arch them away from the penis. Puckering the lips is nice because it gives men a visual. And keep the lips soft with chapstick. Try pulling very slowly up on the penis, sucking and releasing frequently as you move up, and moving the tongue around while you’re at it.

— Tongue: Keep it actively involved while sucking! Tease and rub the tip of the penis with your tongue, or use it to cover your teeth if your lips aren’t flexible enough. Slide it all around the shaft, or try moving your tongue in the opposite direction your mouth is going, i.e. when you draw up a little, push down.

Try taking the whole penis into your mouth and just working with your tongue. A fun thing to do with the testicles is to take them both in your mouth at the same time and draw figure eights around them with your tongue while softly sucking.

— Throat: How do you get the penis all the way down there? The best way is to go from the “69” position with the man on bottom. This angle aligns the mouth and opens the throat so that all you have to do is control your gag reflex while sliding down the penis. “Deepthroating” from the front is hard because the tunnel down the throat is cut off by the angle of your head, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try it.

— Hands: Keep them on the shaft while the mouth is working on the head, twisting, pulling and pressurizing. If the mouth has most of the penis occupied, run them all over the man’s body, play with his balls, rub his ass and lower back, or lightly stimulate the hip bones and abdomen area. You can also massage the prostate gland by either locating it between the testes and the anus, or by actually inserting the finger into the anus and rubbing on the wall toward the penis.

There, a list of fun things to try. Don’t do too much at one time though — this may defeat your purposes — but go on and experiment, and then let me know how it went.