Discover your partner’s unknown pleasures

    Welcome back, horny college students, to the Sex Guardian, keeper of most secrets sexual and sensual. This week’s topic will not be the orgasm. It is actually far from it, simply because, contrary to a few opinions, sex isn’t always about the quest for the Big O (though I could never claim to diminish its importance as the eventual glorious outcome). Instead, I will discuss the things often neglected when leading up to that screaming moment, what I term the “spaces between.”

    Now, I wish I could relate a specific story on this idea, but honestly, such experiences are so boring that they tend to blur in a mishmash of fun but unfulfilling romps in the bed (or car, or on campus, or whatever). But at least I’m not alone: In relating sexual experiences, my friends and I have often noticed that some men have made us feel like those connect-the-dot coloring books that we used in kindergarten. They trace a line: mouth is dot one, neck/ears are dots two and three, nipples are dot four (with a slight spiraling around the breast), then a line down the stomach to number five, the genitalia they believe are calling their name and need to be touched ASAP! (This is not to say that heterosexual men are the only culprits. The fault is probably equally shared by all genders and sexualities, though I can only vouch for one at this moment.)

    I’m not saying this formula doesn’t work; it obviously does, if people continue to do it over, and over, and over again. But that only covers 15 percent of the body. There’s much more to be explored, played with, teased and pleased.

    The back, for example. Sure, you’ve kissed the shoulders and caressed the back while your partner is bouncing away on top, but what about giving it all the attention it starves for?

    Give it love in the form of small, teasing kisses all the way around the back, across the shoulders and neck, and then down one side, to the butt, back up and around, alternating light kisses, bites and licks as you go. And it has to be light at first, as a sort of wake-up call, and then increase in pressure.

    Use your hands, the very tips of your fingers, to scratch and pull up on the skin, using the front of your nails as well as the backs to give your partner new sensations. And when you lick, don’t just slurp as if the lucky person is a human lollipop; keep it reasonably wet, but stay away from the saliva showers. Girls, use those breasts to your advantage; let them fall on your partner’s back, and while you’re licking up the spinal cord, trace two lines up his back with your nipples.

    A few other neglected spots to play with are: the side of the rib cage and the underside of the arm that lies next to it. You’ll have to use trial and error, though; there is a fine line between moans and giggles, and these are ticklish spots. Once you figure out the right pressure, it’ll send shivers vibrating up and down your partner’s body.

    There’s also a pressure point right next to the hipbone on the abdomen that one can lick and fondle, and most likely get some interesting form of thrashing as a response you may have to hold your partner down.

    And if you’re really feeling experimental, go ahead, take a shower together and play with the “exit door.” With the help of lube or saliva, slide your fingers between the cheeks, tease the area between the anus and the vagina/testicles, lick the ass and inner thigh. I know it seems icky, but soap and the shower are well worth the waves of naughty pleasure that could run throughout your body if you’re willing to explore a bit.

    Unfortunately, space forbids me to cover every single sexually ignored part of the body, but with a little common sense and a sense of adventure, I’m sure you can imagine endless places to include on your sexual map, especially if you don’t actually have sex.

    Look for pressure points (back of the knee), nerve endings (toes), and places you KNOW have never seen the light of loving (the anus). Of course, this is easier for the couple who have the time and interest to explore, but even for the one-night stands, where all you are thinking about is the ecstasy of completion, you might as well make it something worth the walk of shame the next morning.

    The more you do it, the further away from the beaten-down path of mouth-neck-ears-nipples-sex you go, and the longer the foreplay, the better the sex, for both the penis and the vagina. So get moving! Make new dots!

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