Finding love in all the wrong spaces

The most romantic day of the year is approaching, at least according to Hallmark. It’s mere hours until Valentine’s Day rolls around, and this year, it’s a double whammy. It’s Date Night Valentine’s Day.

For the solo, Friday nights can be a night of bitterness. Everyone else is out with their respective others, having their respective fun, and those alone have the options of cleaning out the “”green”” in the back of the refrigerator, dancing unaccompanied around the living room or taking in a few hours of bad WB television.

But, for the bitter and alone, this Friday will be worse because it’s compounded by the fact that everyone else is out with their respective others engaging in romantic activities. Sure, you could wine and dine yourself, but it’s hard to get that lovey-dovey feeling snuggling in front of the fire by your lonesome.

So the bitter and alone who want a warm body on this, the Friday night of all Friday nights, may turn to desperate measures.

That’s right, it may be time for the personal ads.

Personal ads are 20-word commercials for the dateless and wanting. Like all commercials, personals must be taken with a grain of salt because, after all, these people are selling themselves, and they do not have much room to reel you in.

Reader: beware.

On the surface, personal ads are light and innocent. Just remember there are real, single people behind these seemingly harmless ads.

It’s a crazy world out there.

Personal ads translated (for your romantic convenience)

What they say: Outdoorsy

What it means: Bathes with a hose

What they say: Active

What it means: Slutty

What they say: Intelligent

What it means: Watches “”The Learning Channel”” a lot

What they say: Funny

What it means: Not funny

What they say: Career-oriented

What it means: Jerk

What they say: Likes to Travel

What it means: Evicted often

What they say: Healthy

What it means: Expects you to look like a super model

What they say: Entrepreneur

What it means: You buy dinner

What they say: Patient

What it means: Medicated

What they say: Friendly

What it means: Will like your cat a little too much

What they say: Honest

What it means: Nervous

What they say: Casual

What it means: Doesn’t own socks

What they say: Mature

What it means: Dentures

What they say: Loves books

What it means: Television is broken

What they say: Curious

What it means: Digs through neighbor’s garbage

What they say: Bubbly

What it means: Annoying

What they say: Loves dogs

What it means: Kills cats

What they say: Quiet

What it means: Disturbed

What they say: Sporty

What it means: Lives in Sweats

What they say: Financially secure

What it means: Mom pays rent