Finding love in all the wrong spaces
February 13, 2003
The most romantic day of the year is approaching, at least according to Hallmark. It’s mere hours until Valentine’s Day rolls around, and this year, it’s a double whammy. It’s Date Night Valentine’s Day.
For the solo, Friday nights can be a night of bitterness. Everyone else is out with their respective others, having their respective fun, and those alone have the options of cleaning out the “”green”” in the back of the refrigerator, dancing unaccompanied around the living room or taking in a few hours of bad WB television.
But, for the bitter and alone, this Friday will be worse because it’s compounded by the fact that everyone else is out with their respective others engaging in romantic activities. Sure, you could wine and dine yourself, but it’s hard to get that lovey-dovey feeling snuggling in front of the fire by your lonesome.
So the bitter and alone who want a warm body on this, the Friday night of all Friday nights, may turn to desperate measures.
That’s right, it may be time for the personal ads.
Personal ads are 20-word commercials for the dateless and wanting. Like all commercials, personals must be taken with a grain of salt because, after all, these people are selling themselves, and they do not have much room to reel you in.
Reader: beware.
On the surface, personal ads are light and innocent. Just remember there are real, single people behind these seemingly harmless ads.
It’s a crazy world out there.
Personal ads translated (for your romantic convenience)
What they say: Outdoorsy
What it means: Bathes with a hose
What they say: Active
What it means: Slutty
What they say: Intelligent
What it means: Watches “”The Learning Channel”” a lot
What they say: Funny
What it means: Not funny
What they say: Career-oriented
What it means: Jerk
What they say: Likes to Travel
What it means: Evicted often
What they say: Healthy
What it means: Expects you to look like a super model
What they say: Entrepreneur
What it means: You buy dinner
What they say: Patient
What it means: Medicated
What they say: Friendly
What it means: Will like your cat a little too much
What they say: Honest
What it means: Nervous
What they say: Casual
What it means: Doesn’t own socks
What they say: Mature
What it means: Dentures
What they say: Loves books
What it means: Television is broken
What they say: Curious
What it means: Digs through neighbor’s garbage
What they say: Bubbly
What it means: Annoying
What they say: Loves dogs
What it means: Kills cats
What they say: Quiet
What it means: Disturbed
What they say: Sporty
What it means: Lives in Sweats
What they say: Financially secure
What it means: Mom pays rent