Researchers at the UCSD-based Cannabis Center have discovered that eating Powerpuff Girls cereal after smoking marijuana nicely complements the drug’s effects.

The cereal’s active ingredients are Pop Rocks, which cause a fizzing sensation on the tongue when the cereal is eaten. Researchers say it is this sensation that enhances the experience.

“”If it’s already hypersensitive from smoking marijuana, your tongue would be delighted to have fizzing cereal on it,”” said researcher Eric Harmon.

Further research will pair marijuana with Crazy Dips lollipops.

“”They’re foot-shaped lollipops that you dip in popping powder. You decide how much powder to put on the lollipop, so that introduces a variable,”” Harmon said. “”It should be interesting.””

Student Health Services

Hands Out Free Cigarettes

Student Health Advocates from UCSD’s Student Health Services handed out free cigarettes on Library Walk Friday afternoon of finals week.

The act was intended to relieve the tension of overworked students during finals week, which is traditionally a very stressful time and causes confusion, delight and anger among many students.

Some students thought the group was performing a visual arts project for a class, but Student Health Advocates defended their actions, saying that smoking, when done in moderation, can be very effective for relieving stress.

UCSD to Host Tenth Annual Porn Olympics Starting Monday

The tenth Porn Olympiad comes to La Jolla, bringing together sex superstars from all over the world who possess the most speed, endurance, strength and girth.

Opening ceremonies, to be held Tuesday at 9 p.m. in the Price Center Plaza, will feature a parade of porn with reigning trailer-hitch chrome remover champion Jenna Jameson lighting the Porn Olympic flame with the dildo torch.

The competition is trying to regain its former lustre after it was rocked by a Chinese Viagra scandal in the `97 games.

Competition will begin Monday, featuring butt darts, Greco-Roman cream corn wrestling, muff diving, the dildo toss and pole vault.

Wednesday’s action will showcase boxing, diaphragm discus, trailer-hitch cleaning and hardcore anal sex.

Closing ceremonies will be Thursday at 11 a.m. in the Price Center Plaza. Here, the winnng cuntry will be presented with the coveted Golden Strap-On.

For more information call EDNA at (858) 534-LAMO.

MSA, UJS Clash in Third Day of Violence, Dozens Injured

Twenty-eight Muslim protesters and three of their Jewish counterparts were slain yesterday on Library Walk in a third straight day of violence at UCSD after the MSA-sponsored Anti-Zionism Week. Yesterday’s deaths brought the toll of the recent spate of violence to 43 Muslim and five Jewish students.

The majority of yesterday’s deaths occurred when a UJS-affiliated tank rolled down Library Walk around noon, haphazardly crushing MSA protesters throwing stones at a UJS-sponsored table.

“”While we regret the deaths of students on both sides of the conflict, we felt the intervention was necessary to prevent further violence,”” explained UJS member Mike Rubensteinion. “”You understand that security for our staff manning the booth, and all UCSD students, is our foremost goal.””

MSA students reject those accusations. “”These UJS students have incurred the wrath of MSA and all UCSD students by tearing down our booth proclaiming the truth of anti-Zionism,”” said an anonymous MSA militant wearing a black hood. “”May they burn in hell for what they’ve done.””

Yesterday’s unrest is an escalation from that of previous days, during which UJS members sprayed rubber bullets on protesting Muslim students during a rally in the Price Center.

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