Alex Reinsch-Goldstein, Senior Staff Writer
Alex Reinsch-Goldstein was born in an IHOP in Hemet, California, in circumstances too lurid to be described. He attained early notoriety when he accidentally starred in the East German soap opera Scheisshaus Plattenbau, a show so unadulteratedly terrible that multiple observers have blamed it for the fall of communism. A notorious bon vivant with a passion for living beyond his means, he began writing for The Guardian in a desperate attempt to reform himself after a disastrous trip to Las Vegas. His motto: “If you can’t be first, be last.”
