Gather All for the UCSD College Battle Royale

Viggo Kovas, Staff Writer

If you’ve been on this campus for at least a quarter, you’ve no doubt heard people claiming their college is the best of our current seven. It’s practically ingrained in UC San Diego culture through competitions like the UnOlympics. I myself am also guilty of this as Seventh College’s (self-proclaimed) strongest soldier, repping them at every chance I get. However, it wasn’t until recently when I was out with friends that I started thinking, “If a battle-royale-like war broke out on campus between the different colleges, who would emerge the victor?” So to further indulge, I’ll be going over each college and discussing their strengths and weaknesses in this highly probable scenario.

Seventh College:

Starting with my home college, we have the East and West Towers, which could act as massive strongholds that’d provide a high vantage point to overview all of UCSD and prevent any surprise attacks. In addition, being located at the edge of campus, there are really only two ways to get in, allowing us to have a strong defense on the ground. This would, however, be a huge con as well, with our limited movement options hindering any chance for a surprise attack on other colleges.

Sixth College:

Sixth would truly be a major powerhouse in this war. It has a multitude of large buildings that could house an abundance of soldiers. Since these buildings are the newest on campus, it’s reasonable to assume they are the sturdiest. Their location is a double-edged sword, giving them access to nearly everywhere on campus, while leaving them in the middle of the campus battle royale. They are definitely a force to be reckoned with.

Eleanor Roosevelt College:

I’m going to be upfront with you all — I don’t think ERC stands a chance in this battle. Their location is incredibly unfavorable, as they are placed right between Seventh and Marshall. Their most notable stronghold would be Cafe Ventanas, which is made entirely of glass and thus incredibly vulnerable. The only chance they’d have is to form an alliance with Seventh. Otherwise, ERC would be one of the first to fall.

Earl Warren College:

Warren might be the most dangerous college, as it is full of engineering majors and has the potential to cause the most harm by crafting weapons. For this reason, other colleges would need to focus on taking Warren out quickly before they could make anything. They occupy a large part of campus and are even located near the trolley. This grants them easy access to suppliers outside of campus.

Thurgood Marshall College:

Similarly to ERC, Marshall doesn’t have much notable about them for the war. While they’re close to RIMAC and could seize it, they’re also located next to Sixth. Fending off such a powerful college would prove to be a near-herculean task.

John Muir College:

The biggest strength of Muir comes in the form of their community. Maybe it’s the community locations like MOM’s, but people at Muir have a strong bond with each other. This would generate more trust among everyone and fuel their desire to win. Even though they’re located next to Sixth, their large buildings combined with the number of people could allow them to put up a fair fight.

Revelle College:

Finally, we have Revelle. To be honest, I don’t know too much about them to make a decisive claim. However, I do know they hold control over a large area of land, so I’m sure they’d do fine in a battle royale.

In conclusion, I think Warren has the highest likelihood of victory. Unless all colleges could unite against them and quickly take them out, Warren has the intellect, tools, and numbers to take out every single college, given enough time.

Art by Ava Bayley of the UCSD Guardian