How-To Guru: Survive a Southern California Winter

In this part of California, we don’t really have seasons. We’re not saying that the rest of California has seasons, per se; we just have even less of them here in sunny San Diego. So when the much-needed rain hits hard, as it has the past few days, we understand that most San Diegans, native or not, are ill-equipped to deal with the unfamiliar weather conditions. To that end, we have written you all a handy guide to dealing with winter “weather,” and doing a fantastic job at it.

First, check your wardrobe. The best clothes for dealing with winter conditions here are lots of crop tops, cutoff denim shorts and sweaters with lots of holes in the knitting. Being cold enough in 65 degree weather to not be able to feel your extremities is an art which takes practice and many props. Do not fret if you don’t own enough of these items; the local Forever 21 always has them in plentiful supply. Also make sure to double-check your shoe collection. Multiple pairs of flip-flops, jelly ballet flats, boat shoes with air holes and stilettos are absolutely imperative if you want your socks to be properly soaked.

Next, neglect to remember any maintenance deadlines on your car, if you own one. This category of rules includes, but is not limited to: not replacing worn-down windshield wipers, not checking tires for wear and tear, ignoring any and all scary squealing sounds coming from your brakes and refusing to acknowledge the blatantly flashing “check engine” light on your dashboard. You get extra points if you buy very expensive snow chains to help you drive on the long commute from Villa La Jolla up to Gilman Drive (It’s an elevation change. It requires chains).

Also keep an extra-long list running of creative quips about weather that dips any fraction of a degree below 65. Some examples include: “My feet are about to fall off,” “I don’t know if I should wear my quarter-zip sweatshirt or carry it in my bag,” “I can’t text my mom to tell her it’s cold with my gloves on,” “I’m going to get frostbite from this wind chill,” “I wonder if Black’s Beach will freeze over so that we can go naked ice skating” and our current favorite “It’s raining outside? Guess traffic laws and common sense are no longer mandatory!”

Finally, if you’re flying home for the holidays, be aware that the most weather-affected flight route on the West Coast is from San Diego to the San Francisco Bay Area, with an average of almost three flights a decade being delayed or cancelled due to snow. Don’t forget to take this into account and arrive at the airport at least four hours early to join the hordes of travellers camped out in the domestic terminal.

Follow these guidelines to the dot, and we assure you, you’ll have a stellar, successful San Diego winter. Happy holidays, and don’t forget to refer back to our exam preparation How-To while studying for finals!