This Summer: Milk, T and a Whole Lotta Coco-Puffs

The inevitable has happened: rapper-turned-actor Ice-T and his bodacious wife, Coco (aka Nicole Natalie Austin), have landed a reality show deal with E! that’s set to premierJune 12. The show will follow Coco and T’s unconventional relationship (seriously, though, who pairs tea and cocoa?), and, as they surely hope, bring the pair to the national spotlight.

Honestly, it’s almost surprising that it’s taken this long for a network to snap this idea up (T’s schedule bust- ing heads at NBC’s “Law and Order: Special Victims Unit” must be particularly taxing), though the two are the perfect match for the reality show grind.

It’s “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” tits and ass (Coco) rolled into “Hogan Knows Best”-esque gruff grit (Ice-T) dashed with the same “The Simple Life” absurdity that will keep us wondering how our protagonists have managed to stay out of jail — or upright (Ice-T and Coco’s tits, respectively.)

Add in the fun that the producers must have had devising a moniker for this primetime gem — T with a side of Coco?, Some T in your Coco?, Iced Coco? (The drink combinations are endless) — and you have a real ratings ball-buster (they decided to call it “Ice Loves Coco,” which is a little low on the kitsch scale for true E!-tards).

But with such an overabundance of reality on television today, it’s hard to pinpoint what niche the new chocolate Ice-love will fill. Bravo’s got everything from weeping brides to top chefs, E!’s made millions making the untalented and unemployed rich, and for a little mid-week pick-me-up, viewers can turn to MTV’s plethora of sob-stories — “16 and Pregnant,” “Teen Mom” or “True Life.”

But screw the naysayers. The show’s going to be a smash, due in large part to the cultural image the duo has pioneered — Ice-T (despite his outra- geous “eat a bowl of dicks” commentary) is still one of the grandfathers of hip-hop, a genre that’s only further exploded this year; Kanye West’s lat- est album topped most critics’ top 10 lists last year, and Coachella’s lineup featured more rappers than ever (Nas, Odd Future, Wiz Khalifa and Tinie Tempah, to name a few).

Plus, model/“Playboy” alum Coco is the original curvy boss bitch that’s started to flood the mainstream in recent months. Nicki Minaj could be her niece, and Wiz Khalifa’s beau Amber Rose is a Coco in training. After all, you gotta have a heap of swag if you’re hanging with OG Ice-T, and a heap of ass to back that swag. Coco comes stacked, conveniently, with both.
It’s a match made in primetime heaven.

So, while some are dooming the new endeavor to poor ratings and a floundering first season, T and Coco represent what the masses (well, maybe just me) have come to want most in a basic cable man-and-wife union: a washed-up legend and his bodacious better half.

I’ll drink to that.

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