As an artist I release shock videos and beat poetry over the Internet about human suffering and the ills of society and governmental brainwashing. I have become known for my eccentric taste in fashion, bubbly personality and sensual avant-garde shock videos on YouTube. I am often identified under my artistic alter ego Swedish Sapphire, but underneath it all, I remain true to my academics with a strong GPA and plans for medical school.
Last winter, I applied to be a house advisor for Muir College. I saw myself fit for the position, having held numerous leadership positions at Muir College. I was crushed when I received a rejection letter. However, a week later, Assistant Reslife Dean Sonia Rosado asked me if I wanted to be an HA. I of course accepted.However, the first thing I was told by Pat D.A., the Res Dean, was, “We are hiring you under the notion that you will censor yourself.” I found out she was referring to my Facebook, YouTube, art, and lifestyle choices. I agreed to her requests and looking back, I can’t believe I ever agreed to censoring myself.
Spring training commenced and I was chosen to be be the HA for LGBT-Interest Housing. The waters began to get fishy after several spring trainings when I was approached by both Pat D.A. and Ebonie Rayford, the other Assistant Res Dean, questioning how my Facebook was looking or asking about my current profile picture. It seemed to me they were solely concerned with the provocative clothing in my profile pictures, as those would not be seen as representative of Muir College, whose motto, ironically enough, is “Celebrating the Independent Spirit.” The sole purpose of those photos were to make statements on femininity and question the strict binary rules on the clothing men and women wear. I changed my Facebook profile picture and made it private. I felt singled out, because the Res Deans took advantage of the fact that they were friends with me on Facebook and not friends with half of the other HAs on staff.
Finally summer came and San Diego Gay Pride was right around the corner. I met with my friend and mentor Sonia and asked what I should wear. I really wanted to wear some booty shorts and fairy wings so I could be as proud as possible of my queerness. Sonia unexpectedly mentioned that I was now a representative of Muir College and should watch my attire for Gay Pride. Censoring myself on Gay Pride sounded monotonous and I ignored her request and wore my booty shorts and fairy wings during the parade. The day after SD Pride Weekend, I received a text message from Pat D.A. asking for a meeting with her in her office the next day. The meeting consisted of Pat D.A., Sonia Rosado, and the Dean of Student Affairs Patty Mahaffery told me,“We feel your personal lifestyle and identity do not match up with the House Advising position here at Muir College…we are going to ask you to either resign from your position or we will have to be forced to terminate you.” I was shocked. I cried. She explained that a “concerned peer” emailed them about a YouTube video and a cocaine joke that was made on my Facebook which made me “inappropriate for the position.” Pat D.A. was not sympathetic and explained I had two days to decide whether I wanted to resign or be terminated. Through the tears and anger I contacted Student Legal Services, Ombud’s Office, the LGBT Resource Center and ACLU.
Two days later I had my second meeting with Pat D.A. as well as Shaun Travers, the Campus Diversity Officer and Director of the LGBT Resource Center. Pat D.A. explained her reasons for terminating me again, yet if Muir College is truly all about “Celebrating the Independent Spirit” why were they denying me mine? Pat D.A. apologized but still held firm to her beliefs that my YouTube videos were inappropriate if the parents of the residents viewed them. She saw them as “drug-promotional” videos which was never my intent. She had to maintain an image on her House Advising Staff and I guess a shock artist is not a part of her cookie-cutter image. I still cannot help but feel toyed with, singled out and taken advantage of throughout trainings.
I could understand where she was coming from despite my anger and tears. I do not want to burn bridges with the Res Deans and Muir College. I am against censorship and fully believe in voicing one’s opinions and “Celebrating the Independent Spirit.” I needed to tell my story because all artists should know that censorship is never acceptable. Ignore negative comments people say and do not stand for judgment. I learned that the hard way, but despite all the drama and tears I believe everything happens for a reason and the injustice I faced opened new doors for me this year. I am now a principal member of LGBTQIA and have more time to explore new opportunities. I have a plethora of interests and sometimes they clash. Despite my minor speed bump with Muir Res Life, it has only made me a stronger and more inspired artist.
