The Day the Earth Stood Still

    According to the prophecy of Keanu Reeves, a massive bubble of an energy field commanded by a robot named Gort will destroy Earth like a really intense disaster movie if the military doesn’t shoot it down with homing missiles and giant tanks. Based on the 1951 sci-fi gem, Scott Derrickson’s 2008 remake throws hollow computer graphics at what was once tasteful to prove that no cheesy vision of the near-future is sacred. Reeves plays an alien named Klaatu with human disguise and dialogue that rivals the epic “Whoa” he uttered in “The Matrix,” and the CG-rendered robot Gort makes Robocop look like a girly man; think “The Day After Tomorrow” meets “Independence Day,” minus the big-Willie style. Moral of the story: Don’t drive gas-guzzlers or throw recyclables in the trashcan or a fucking huge robot will probably come and end the human race, OK? In theaters Dec. 12.

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