Web Exclusive: The Longshots Preview

    “I’m a real director,” Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst
    asserted in 2006, forewarning all haters that they could stick any skepticism
    about his budding film career up their “yeahs.” “I want to make timeless
    movies.”

    True to his word, Durst’s sophomore effort “The Longshots” —
    better described as the alternate universe in which mean-girl Lindsay Lohan tried
    out for varsity football instead of becoming a bitch — is sure to delight the
    same people who shell out $10 for every inspirational high-school sports movie
    churned out by studios.

    Keke Palmer (“Akeelah and the Bee”) is Jasmine, the woefully
    misunderstood teen who just wants to be accepted by her catty classmates. When
    her no-good daddy doesn’t show up to make things right, her
    makeup-salesman-turned-football-coach uncle Anaconda (Ice Cube) is there with a
    healthy dose of pep-talks and self-esteem boosters (“You ain’t a girl, you a
    football player”) that would make even Christina Aguilera cringe.

    Naturally, Anaconda helps Jasmine prove that no matter what
    the cheerleaders might say, she has attempted the impossible and reached for
    her dreams. And in his desire for timelessness — after all, it might be two
    years or more until this exact same plot is recycled — so has Durst. Ain’t
    nobody got heart like he got heart. July 25.

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