(Erik Jepsen/Guardian)

Wendy, first of all, for taking my cookies, beating me up
and otherwise being the best person I could ever ask to spend my time with.
Darin, for struggling with living with me for the past three years; we all know
that trying to prove me wrong is a full time commitment! Jessica, thanks for
being a super-cool pseudo twin, and thank your sister for me too. Charlie for
doing drugs over the bathroom sink in Vegas and then profusely bleeding and
telling me “Richard, don’t to do drugs” — don’t worry, I won’t. But you’ve
thrown down for four years, you have a gem there Mr. Nguyen, guard it
carefully. Danai, for being someone who won’t fucking motherfucking shut the
fuck up Danai (you know what I mean), but for reals, you’ve been a good man all
these years, take care of yourself. Andrew, I’m not sure how many rolled tacos
and burritos we’ve eating together, but I’m sure it’s a lot. Rael, if you
behave yourself, I’ll let you lick my butt too, but seriously, I had fun
working with you the past few years. Matt McA for being the chillest and
throwing awesome house parties, you have Mr. Nguyen’s gem, guard it carefully.
The Yipster for being my Sunday meal ticket on occasion and sometimes on
Thursday too, let me know if you need anymore tutoring, I’ll hook it up. Emily,
for proving me right in hiring you, you’ll do great next year, tear some shit
up for me. All the down to earth badass motherfuckers in wushu that spend the
time to teach me. Sonia for being so fucking awesome in design, thank you for
ripping that motherfucker apart this year. Chris K. for understanding me and my
video games. Chris M. for being the best story teller I’ve ever seen. Grant,
you were a tool, but you were everyone’s tool. Ian, I’ve never met a man in the
Guardian (besides Clayton) that I respected more than you. And everyone, for
having to put up with my behavior.