Oh dear god, the holiday season has arrived. And if it only
meant added family time, better eats, Christmas decorating and celebrating
Jesus’ birth — despite my spiritual limbo — I’d be down for all the hoo-ha.

But of course, the hordes of hysterical shoppers rearing to
empty their wallets and fill their hands are flooding malls nationwide as
usual. In fact, their presence during last week’s Black Friday — the year’s
official kickoff for holiday shopping — was stronger than ever, according to
big-name retailers like Sears, Macy’s Inc. and Toys “R” Us. Despite the economic
downturn and apparent dormany of consumerism in the previous months, folks
still turned out more determined and ridiculous than ever to shop, shop, shop.

And that’s what I don’t understand — the mad, almost
kamikaze-like behavior that infects shoppers around the holidays. And then
every year, despite my hopes that people will somehow come to their senses, the
crowds get crazier.

This year, for example, Kohl’s stores nationwide opened
their doors at 4 a.m. — an hour earlier than last year — so the impatient,
paranoid shoppers could beat the sleepers and score extra savings on useless
items. Buyers took the bait.

Sears and Macy’s were a similar story; both stores greeted
with long lines of anxious consumers before doors were even set to open. The
Macy’s in New York City’s Herald Square, which normally opens at 6 a.m. the
Friday after Thanksgiving, was forced to welcome the throng of people at 5:30
a.m. to ebb the line of 3,000 people that formed outside the shop’s doors. Now
that’s just silly.

While I can understand and even sympathize with the pressure
of finding that perfect gift on a tight budget, I have to wonder where we draw
the line in the shopping madness.

Don’t people care about beauty sleep anymore, or have they
become that desperate? And what about years from now, will consumers arrive at
2 a.m. instead of 4 a.m. to claim their goods?

And if all this preplanning is really necessary to check off
all the names on our Christmas lists, then it’s time to reexamine our holiday
priorities. I love shoes, coats and gadgets as much as the next girl, but hell,
darkness was made for sleeping — not for shopping.

I will, however, admit the lure of holiday sales. This past
weekend I nearly found myself caught up in the spending euphoria during a
harmless expedition to Target for Christmas decor.

My brother, like every other American 8-year-old, is
requesting a Nintendo Wii this Christmas. And, like parents everywhere, mine
were without the perfect gift and instead met only by sold-out stores.

My stepmom called it a holiday nightmare because there was
just no chance at finding another gift. After all, my parents would be the last
to spoil my brother’s belief in Santa. So of course, during my battle with the
masses at Target, I wandered — more like pushed my way through screaming kids
and miles of carts — over to the electronics section hoping to save the day.

And there they were: the last two Nintendo Wii consoles in
the entire store, and likely all of San Diego County.

Hopping in line and buzzed with the rush of achievement and
victory, I waited my turn in the check-out line for what seemed like nearly an
hour.

And when the clerk finally handed over that pearly white
box, I did a little happy dance inside. But soon my excitement faded and I felt
embarrassed by my desperation. I had just boiled down the Christmas spirit to
the short-lived joy of obtaining a silly game console that will be “so last
season” a year from now.

So with Wii in hand, I left Target feeling torn — I was
relieved because my brother could go another year blissfully believing in the
red-suited fat man, but saddened by my lack of understanding of the holiday. In
an effort to boost my morale, I made a resolution.

This year, I’m going to handle Christmas like an adult
should — calm, cool and collected — and I’m going to put aside the fretting
over gifts and remember all the things it’s really about.