If there’s one thing truly golden about the Guardian, and it’s found most Mondays on page three. While the May 29 Sun God edition may have brought your attention to “”Lights and Sirens,”” this little gem has been enjoyed by all for much longer.But don’t worry if you’ve overlooked it in the past. As an avid reader, I’m here to bring you the Best of “”Lights and Sirens”” 2006-07.

Let’s begin with an award that goes straight to the concerned citizens making these reports. Without further ado, I give you the winners of the Most Convincing Evidence that Racism Is Alive and Well in California Award. The following were reported as “”suspicious people””:

Oct. 11 at 9:36 p.m. on the second floor of Geisel Library, a black male of unknown description was seen reading an atlas.

Jan. 25 at 10:34 a.m. a bald black male in his 30s, wearing a green shirt and carrying a white bag, was seen outside the medical teaching facility.

May 5 at 3:20 p.m. a Middle Eastern male in a black jacket and jeans was reported as heading from Urey Hall to Pacific Hall.

Somehow, two guys walking around campus and one reading in the library don’t seem to warrant a 911 call; but apparently if you’re a minority, you don’t belong at UCSD. Inversely, white suspicious people are always those doing outrageously illegal things. Like breaking into cars: Feb. 20 at 1:25 a.m. four white males in hooded sweatshirts broke into vehicles in Lot 208 and stole various items.

Now let’s mix things up with an award for UCSD’s finest. I present to you the Next Time, Don’t Bother Calling Award, which was taken from calls that police were reportedly “”unable to locate.””

Oct. 30 at 3:57 p.m. an elderly male fell down a dirt hill between Isaacs Hill and the Southwest Fisheries Science Center.

May 18 at 4:31 p.m. a male outside the Applied Physics and Mathematics Building was described as passed out and possibly throwing up blood.

Really, police? I’m pretty sure that two people bleeding and going in and out of consciousness aren’t about to travel too far from their reported locations. Did you even try?

(Honorable mention goes to coppers trying to track down the crazy guy hanging around the Engineering Building: May 10 at 10:24 a.m. a gray-haired white male in his 70s entered Engineering Building and told an employee that he was confused. At 12:21 p.m. the same gray-haired male returned to Engineering Building.)

Which brings me to the next honor, the Outstanding Senior Award.

Oct. 11 at 4:34 p.m. a 60-year-old male with a thin build was seen looking over the barriers between stalls in a bathroom near Pepper Canyon Hall.

Nov. 4 at 11:30 a.m. a 65-year-old white male wearing a baby-blue pinstriped suit was spotted on the northbound ramp of the I-5 freeway on La Jolla Village Drive.

Baby-blue pinstripes? How sassy.

But back to overly concerned citizens, many times people call police for things that really don’t require police assistance. I present to you the Uh, You’re Dumb Award.

Oct. 4 at 8:44 p.m. police were called to the Mandell Weiss Theatre to aid a 40-year-old male with an upset stomach.

Dec. 30 at 8:15 a.m. a female resident of the La Jolla Del Sol apartments asked police to feed her cat because her flight was delayed.

Dec. 31 at 4:39 p.m. an employee at the Chemical Research Building asked for assistance in retrieving a model airplane stuck on top of the building’s roof.

Now it’s often said that UCSD lacks a social atmosphere. And frankly, it’s because of these next callers. I give you the Thanks for Making This Place What It Is Award.

Oct. 31 at 10:40 p.m. a female student called police after she was invited to an “”alcohol party”” in Asia Hall. (I hope you never get invited again.)

Feb. 27 at 11:42 p.m. loud music, running and giggling were reported in Challenger Hall.

March 8 at 8:48 p.m. a Community Service Officer reported a group of people holding a barbeque outside the Social Sciences Building.

And last but certainly not least, here are the people that UCSD needs more of. Congratulations to the winners of this year’s Shining Light in “”Lights and Sirens”” Award.

Jan. 24 at 8:34 p.m. a woman called police after she spotted a group of people hanging onto the outside of their moving vehicle, a practice commonly known as “”ghostriding the whip,”” as they drove through Lot 402.

Jan. 26 at 9:31 a.m. a 50-year-old male in a full-length leopard coat, safari hat and backpack asked an employee of the Engineering Building for directions to an unknown location. (Pimp anyone?)

Thank you, we should be friends.