Most unintentionally creepy

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring as creepy, pasty-faced children filed onto a mysterious train conducted by a character with Tom Hanks’ voice and a fake mustache. No, it’s not “Children of the Corn VI: Christmas Fantastical,” it’s 2004’s holiday children’s film, “The Polar Express.”

Director Robert Zemeckis’ attempt at turning Chris Van Allsburg’s Christmas tale into a touching holiday picture failed horribly. Moviegoers must’ve gone “WTF?!” watching expressionless children risk their lives on trains skidding across frozen lakes. Who knew a trip to the North Pole to go visit St. Nick was so similar to one of the “Matrix” flicks?

All that high-class technology to recapture humanesque expression and movement didn’t quite pan out. The recycling of Hank’s voice over as the little boy, Santa Claus and the train conductor just made it a little bit worse. And the dancing hot chocolate waiters in the North Pole gave the final punch in completely shooting the entire movie to hell.