What is it about Lindsay Lohan that captivates the hearts of America? Her natural charm? Her acting chops in several Disney remakes? Her dysfunctional family? No, it’s her breasts, those fluffy cinematic beacons that have led thousands of ships ashore and have shone the light of pop stardom onto a redheaded nymphet from New York. In a world of “Desperate Housewives,” the decline of Britney Spears, heiress sex tapes and national coverage for porn on student TV, an increasingly jaded public is looking to America’s youth for good, clean titillation. And the youth has never been so hot.

With the recent “legalization” of the Olsen twins and Lohan, the nation’s call for erotic youth has been answered tenfold. Yet it is Lohan who clearly wins the day, for her teen break in “The Parent Trap” is clearly sexier than the Olsens’ turn as an infant on “Full House.”

Disney has never had it so good. Not since the heyday of Annette Funicello’s chest has Disney been able to keep adults so well entertained. Today’s crowd of NASCAR dads is no different, willing to undertake any manner of punishing film just for a glimpse of the fluffy Valhalla. Perhaps this is the impetus for the upcoming film “Herbie: Fully Loaded,” a film where pairs of Volkswagens abound.