“The Guide to Getting It On” covers every topic imaginable from numerous oral sex techniques to how to have sex if you are disabled. Paul Joannides, a psychoanalyst- turned-author, has a frank, down-to-earth writing style that clears up any misconceptions one might have about sex, and works hard to release inhibitions by championing ways to enjoy wild things. Joannides took time to sit down with the Guardian and talk about his book and all the crazy experiences that came with it.
Guardian: What inspired you to write this book?
Paul Joannides: I usually tell people it was revenge for eight years in Catholic school. These were nuns many, many years ago. I’m also a psychoanalyst, and I was trying to find an intelligent, fun book on sex for my patients. I couldn’t find any out there, so I started writing.
G: How long did it take you to write this?
PJ: I thought it would take six months, but it was eight years before it was done.
G: Do you have a least favorite section of the book?
PJ: I am not sure yet about the new sections in the book, like the Barbie chapter, the bra chapter, etc. I worked and worked and worked on them. On the other hand, they are definitely a direction I wanted the book to go in because it is so important to have a sense that our sexuality is a part of our culture determined by our economics. It is determined by so many different parts of our culture. If you know how to give the best blow job, or hand job, or oral sex in the world, that’s only good for so long. You need to have a broader sense about sexuality, and that’s what I hope to give the reader a sense of in this book. That’s why I have sections like the Barbie section — I hope to give people a broader sense of sexuality. Why do we always view women’s lingerie as being sexy? Maybe if we explored that, we’d get a better idea of why a certain thing is or isn’t sexy, or why something does or doesn’t turn you on.
G: What makes you an expert to write about “getting it on”?
PJ: What’s important is that I was anything but the expert, so I had a very different perspective. What experts take as the gospel, I wholeheartedly question. I challenge anyone to take an $85 to $90 sex book and get sexually aroused at any point. You have to slap yourself after five minutes to stay awake. They are totally intellectual and written to your brain, which they hope is completely disconnected from your crotch. A couple of medical schools are using my book for their medical students. That really surprises me.
G: How did you conduct research for the book?
PJ: Sadly enough, most of it was with my clothes on. You’d be shocked when you look at me. You’d think, “How did this boring guy write this book on sex?” That was one of the challenges. Much to my shock and horror, I would also notice this judgmental voice coming up in my writing. In terms of sex, I am fairly more liberal-minded than most people. But it is more a result of the experience of writing this book, and not what I went into it with. I always had a very lively interest or curiosity in anything to do with relationships and sex. If you have to spend your life on a particular subject, there are certainly worse subjects. This may sound funny, but I trained for almost 10 years in grad school to be a psychoanalyst. I did five years as an undergraduate at Cal before that. However, never in my life have I had a single sex education course. I grew up in a small farm town of Porterville, Calif., a place where they do not have any type of sex education. I talked to very few sex experts. I did spend a tremendous amount of time in the biomedical stacks in UCLA, reading everything I could get my hands on that looked interesting.
G: You wrote this book for eight years. What helped you pull through?
PJ: Usually the material was pretty boring, so the objective was how to take the boring stuff that would get you hard or wet sexually. The answer to that was tequila. If I was stuck on how to make something fun, it sure helped. Tequila was definitely the fuel for this book. There were a few years where Trader Joe’s had a particular brand of tequila that was definitely a type of drug experience. I was very sad when they stopped carrying it; the latter parts of the book suffered because of it. I was also very fortunate in that there were a lot of people who were kind enough to read the manuscript as it evolved, and give lots of painfully honest criticism. If I had one strength, it is that I didn’t get defensive and I let the book benefit from their rather harsh, nasty criticism.
G: You’re not bitter at all?
PJ: Not at all, since I know how misguided they all were. Just kidding. Sometimes it really stung, but I was able to incorporate the criticism without it having the feel of a committee book.
G: Do you get fan mail?
PJ: I get some very kind letters. It is a rare day when I get a nasty letter. That is gratifying, when someone writes in and says, “Your book helped me discover things about my sexuality and helped me understand more about my boyfriend. Now we’re able to talk about things that I didn’t even know how to put into words.” And it’s not like the book helps you put them into words, but it gives you a sense that there is something more out there.
