What would Seuss say to a tale that was mangled?

Torn up, shattered and one that was tangled?

A tale once beloved by those young and those old

Until Universal decided to withhold

The magic and wonder that was in the book.

Now, audiences turn away without even a look.

Dr. Seuss was a childhood favorite until Bo Welch decided to make the good doctor spin in his grave by turning “The Cat in the Hat” into a live-action film. The film turned the Cat (Mike Myers) into a pervert, the daughter Sally (the robotic Dakota Fanning) into a neurotic obsessive-compulsive-style child and, in essence, spat on the entire book.

For those who don’t remember the book, the plot ran as follows: two children are stuck in a house on a rainy day when the Cat comes to entertain them. The movie, however, eliminates the rainy day and the Cat teaches the children a Very Special Lesson about caring for each other as brother and sister. Not only that, the scriptwriters continue to deviate from the rest of the book by having the children leave the house, adding a creepy next-door neighbor (Alec Baldwin) and essentially removing the light-hearted and innocent feeling of the entire book.

The final word: When a movie features a cameo by Paris Hilton at a rave, you know that your childhood memories have been run over by the largest Hummer Hollywood could find.