I used to hate the term “”emo.”” I used to think, Is there really a point to all of this labeling and classification? Inside of rock we have punk, and inside of punk we have emo. Besides, what bands are really ’emo,’ anyway?

Is Sunny Day Real Estate emo? Is At the Drive-In? Weezer?

Many bands that are sometimes considered “”emo,”” such as Jimmy Eat World, have expressed a desire to not be branded with the ambiguous and sometimes derogatory term (yeah Jimmy, and opening for Blink-182 was a much better career-defining move, but we won’t get into people’s definitions of “”punk rock”” this time).

There have been many attempts to define the cultural construction known as emo music, and so far we’ve heard everything from loud guitars and screaming vocals to soft twinkly guitars and mellow singing. Indeed, the acoustic-based self-depreciation of Dashboard Confessional seems to have little to do with the raging guitars and vocal chord-damaging anthems of Hot Water Music.

Some have even gone as far as to accommodate the differences between emotionally charged, punk-influenced music with several sub-genres: emo-core, hardcore emo, post-emo, screamo, etc.

Maybe our society is just too obsessed with placing everything into nice, neatly defined boxes, as if it would enhance our musical enjoyment to be able to name everything a certain artist sounds like.

It just doesn’t make sense to say, “”I like rock music,”” when Limp Bizkit can have more in common with Nelly (whiny rapping, annoying egotism) than many other “”rock”” bands.

Recently, however, I have reconciled myself with emo. It’s somehow different from other genres in that it can include a wide variety of artists and somehow still be selective — a sort of musical pan-genre.

Emo music, like most famous musical genres, is defined not so much by the sound of its music but by the attitude of its artists and audience.

After all, how many rock ‘n’ roll bands today sound like Chuck Berry or Little Richard? How many fans of rap music are willing to say that Puff Daddy sounds like Public Enemy? And seriously, just what exactly are Hootie and the Blowfish an alternative to?

So emo, the latest and most confusing musical genre, is defined, at least in my mind, by three things:

1. If you think that a band is emo, they’re really not.

Pop Music Fan: “”So, Jack’s Broken Heart is pretty emo, eh?””

Emo Connoisseur: “”Actually, they’re more like post-emo indie rock.””

2. If you’re emo, then you hate emo.

PMF: “”Hey, you’ve got the ratty sweater, the greasy hair, the thick glasses, the Get-Up Kids patch on the backpack. You must be really into emo.””

EC: “”Ugh, no, I hate that term.””

3. Of course, as the name suggests, there’s the matter of the music being emotional.

PMF: “”Man, that guy from Korn is so emotional. You might even say … he’s emo?””

EC: “”No, he’s too angry.””

PMF: “”Okay, what about Dave Matthews Band? They have a lot of happy songs.””

EC: “”Happiness doesn’t count.””

So the answer is simple: Emo doesn’t really even exist. It’s the perfect underground music: Nobody knows what it is, and nobody will admit to liking it.

Why is it that we have to define everything in the world in terms of what it is like or not like? How is it that we create conversation out of “”You’re from (name of town where someone is from)? Wow! Do you know (name of person that may be a mutual acquaintance)?””

Do I like emo music? I’m not sure what it is. But in a world where everything is defined by what it is like and not like, emo somehow derives some kind of meaning that most people do not fathom. After much thinking, I think I truly have a better grasp of what emo is all about.

Next, I just have to figure out these other genres: Metal, black metal, death metal, hair metal, nu-metal, new wave, progressive rock, acid rock, acid jazz, funk, punk-funk, hip-hop, rap, gangsta rap, east coast, west coast, dirty south, alternative rock, adult alternative, adult contemporary, contemporary blues, rhythm and blues, goth, hard-core, rap-core, metal-core, grind-core, pop, power-pop, jangle pop, space pop, grunge, post-grunge, industrial, ambient, trance, house, jungle.

Wait, what was I talking about?