MLB Championships: American League

    The American League represents change. The American League represents development. The American League represents the future.

    Some feel that the designated-hitter rule ripped baseball from its roots. But the truth is that having a guy who just hits — just like having a person who just pitches — is all about specialization. And specialization — more than hot dogs, apple pie and Oprah — is what defines America. That’s exactly why the American League is the epitome of our national pastime.

    In actuality, baseball is baseball, and people who try to point to the discrepancy between the National League and American League (small ball vs. long ball) are obviously not paying attention to the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Located in Orange County off Katella, Though You Can Also Take State College Boulevard to Get There.

    Since Mike Scioscia took over the Angels, the team has been the epitome of an American League club sticking to National League strategy. Even with signings of big bats like Vladimir Guerrero and the rental of Mark “Pussy-Whipped” Teixeira, the Angels have maintained a philosophy of getting on base, moving runners, manufacturing runs and trusting their pitching staff to maintain any lead they’ve built. The strategy led the team to their first World Series in 2002, when they defeated the Giants with such soon-to-be-forgotten stalwarts as Scott Spiezio, Brad Fullmer, Aaron Sele, Kevin Appier and the very un-ace-like Jarrod Washburn.

    The Angels’ strength this season has been its resilience and depth following the death of pitcher Nick Adenhart. When other teams are pitching to get to former AL MVP Vladimir Guerrero, you know your offense has improved. Furthermore, with the addition of Scott Kazmir, improvements of Jered Weaver, continued development of Joe Saunders and always steady (and for the ladies, always sexy) John Lackey, the Angels maintain a pitching staff that allows them to succeed even when power numbers might be lacking.

    Bobby Abreu has been hailed as this season’s MVP for the Angels — and rightfully so. His presence and leadership has helped improve the team’s patience in players like Howie Kendrick, Kendry Morale and even the always free-swinging Guerrero.

    The Yankees, of course, are the epitome of the American League power attitude. They are also the reason why some people hate the American League.

    Furthermore, they are the reason why a lot of people hate America. Actually, they’re the epitome of everything that is or will ever be wrong with the world. Why do so many people hate the Yankees? Well, it’s the same reason that so many people without any discernable connection to New York love the Yankees: Douchebags exist.

    You see them every day. That guy in the tank top flashing his gigantic arms and the sock in his pants accentuating his small penis. That girl who wears makeup to the gym to compensate for her STDs. That guy on TV who makes more money than several small countries combined, broke up his marriage for Madonna, brings Kate Hudson to games and is now a mutated douchebaggy version of the natural athlete he was in Seattle, so that it’s hard to remember he’s the same person at all.

    Power on both sides of the ball pushed the Yankees to a league-leading 103 wins during the regular season. The strength — be it natural or artificial — of Alex Rodriguez, Teixiera and cohorts, is matched by the hard throwing style of CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett and B.S. Pettite (I felt like Andy needed some initials). Add a little bit of beefy Joba Chamberlain to the pot, and you’ve got yourself a stew of narcissism, overconfidence and victory.

    The Angels and Yankees facing off in the American League Championship Series is a true battle of National League vs. American League philosophy — a battle between playing it the right way and playing it to get paid. In my mind, a battle between good and evil.

    The Angels will supposedly own the Yankees in the postseason, like the Red Sox previously owned the Angels. Of course, it’d be nice to predict a shiny, perfect world where Angels fly high and good prevails, but we live in a world of douchebaggery — a world where the Evil Empire has home-field advantage.

    So, Joe (regrettably) goes with: Yankees in 6 games.

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