Raising children is a complicated and esoteric process that challenges every parent who undertakes it. A huge industry is based on telling people how to parent: From Dr. Spock to the “”Baby Whisperer,”” plenty of people think they know how to raise healthy babies into healthy adults better than you do — and every one of them has different tricks, tips and techniques.
But there are common threads. Loving parents are clearly important in helping children to grow, and children must have a sense of security; continuity and stability are often named as conditions conducive to productive parenting.
These elements can be and are present in many different kinds of families, such as single-parent households, blended families and children who live with grandparents or other extended family members. And yes, children can grow and learn with same-sex parents, and these families should be protected and encouraged.
The issue of gay parenting is one that has been perplexing the nation for decades. Some states, such as California, have no specific provisions to allow, for example, a lesbian to adopt the biological child of her partner. However, many couples achieved the goal of creating a more unified family by using “”second-parent”” adoptions.
In this procedure, the biological parent allows someone to whom they are not married to adopt his or her child while retaining his or her own parental rights. Adoption law generally requires the biological parent to relinquish parental rights, but the “”second-parent”” adoptions had been informally recognized because they represented the wish of the parent, which was valued higher than rigid adherence to the letter of the law.
This procedure, however, was challenged and subsequently struck down in the 4th District Court of Appeal right here in San Diego. Judges ruled that these adoptions were based on too liberal an interpretation of the law.
A panic ensued among gay parents because of wording in the ruling that suggested the adoptions that had already been performed were illegal and invalid.
Although this language was later removed from the ruling, leaving existing “”second-parent”” adoptions intact but future ones prohibited, the incident brings to light the tenuous state of gay families.
Unfortunately, legislators are often hesitant to make official what is not only common (gay rights organizations estimate that between 10,000 and 20,000 gay couples in California have used the “”second-parent”” adoption procedure, and thousands more live in unofficial families with children), but also as legitimate and beneficial to children as any heterosexual parenting could be.
Their fear is driven by the protestations of a very vocal minority that believes children raised by homosexuals will be somehow damaged by having two parents of the same sex. Indeed, California Sen. William Knight, sponsor of 2000’s Proposition 22, which banned gay marriage in California, claimed, “”Two people of the same sex are not a family. They’re not normal.””
Both of these statements are ridiculous. A family is not defined by the genders or sexual preferences of its members, but by the love and care that binds them. And to say that gay couples are not “”normal”” implies that there is some state that is; however, families and people come in all shapes, sizes and configurations. Indeed, what Knight probably considers to be normal — one man, one woman and 2.5 children — is on the wane.
California is taking steps to recognize the legitimacy of gay families. September’s domestic partners bill, which went into effect on Jan. 1, allows same-sex couples to register with the state as domestic partners, and are then eligible for many of the benefits afforded to married couple. Included among these benefits is access to stepparent adoption, which has long been a way for nonbiological parents to become legally recognized.
There are, however, shortcomings to this plan. Because the adoption is contingent upon the couple being registered as domestic partners, its legality may not be recognized in other states. This would leave families moving away from California vulnerable. Also, gay activists have expressed concern that the plan does not provide for instances in which the biological parent dies or the relationship ends.
It is important that legislators make the issue of gay adoptions a priority. In California, input from couples and children must be taken into account and the kinks should be worked out of the adoption process in order to provide maximum protection and stability for families.
All this work in our state will come to full fruition only when adoptions by gay couples are recognized throughout the country. Then we can truly say we live in a country that values the family and encourages healthy environments for children.
Gay parenting and gay adoption should be encouraged. After all, gays become parents by choice (tell me about two gay men having an “”accident”” and I’ll hand you the rights for the TV movie). And to want to raise and nurture a child, informed of the responsibilities and challenges that face all parents, is a noble and much-needed desire.
