Shy Guys Do Not Need to Apply

My name is Josh. I’m a nice guy and I would like a date.

You want stats? Fine. I’m tall (6 feet, 2 inches), in shape (only 170 pounds), smart (my IQ is between 140 and 160, depending on which test you believe), I drive an ’87 Honda Accord (before you laugh and stop reading, it has a $2,000 stereo system), and I like animals (I have three cats, a dog, a Chinese fighting fish and a goldfish).

You wanna talk personality? We can do that too. Ask anyone that knows me and they’ll tell you that I’m genuinely nice, easy to talk to and have a knack for making people laugh. I also write poetry, act, sing and play a little guitar.

Now you’re thinking that I’ve gotta be a loser with no aspirations (I’m not gay, so I must be a bum, right girls?). Gotcha there too. I’m a second-year political science major with a respectable GPA. I’m a prospective law school student. Eventually, I’m going to become filthy rich as a corporate lawyer so that I can retire early and spend time with my kids (yes, I even love children).

So, the big question is, why can’t I get a date? I’m obviously approaching desperation, as I’m resorting to virtually advertising myself in the newspaper (I haven’t taken a personal out yet. That’s where I draw the line).

There is a simple answer. Nothing serious or complex. I’m just shy. The sad truth is that it is nearly impossible for a shy guy to get a date in our society.

Taking a brief glance through history shows that this is the absolute worst time for a shy guy to be single and looking for a date.

Back in the days of the caveman, getting a date was simple. The first guy to club a girl and take her back to his cave was the recipient of a romantic evening for two.

Brute strength soon gave way to unbridled capitalism as fathers began to pawn off their daughters to rich men in arranged marraiges. In this era, men needed only to be rich. Shyness was not taken into consideration.

The Dark Ages were followed by a time when manners ruled the dating scene. Being proper was at the forefront in most people’s minds. For the most part, women didn’t figure into the dating equation until the date had begun. Men would approach the parents and respectfully ask to take their daughter out for the evening. The parents forced the daughter to go in order to avoid being rude. Again, as long as a guy was polite, he didn’t have to worry about being shy.

In the not-so-distant past, women were treated more as objects. Especially in the early 1900s, men were seen as the masculine rulers of the social universe. Women were expected to be subserviant. As a result, any man who was strong-willed and assertive enough even to approach a girl would get a date because she was expected to accept. It is true that shy guys do have trouble approaching girls in the first place, but it’s a lot easier when you’re pretty much assured that the girl will say yes.

This brings us to present day, the worst time to be a shy guy looking for a date.

Now that women have become assertive and have earned the recognition that they are people as well, men have lost their edge. No longer can a guy simply club a girl over the head and try to drag her off. If he did, he’d either end up getting his ass kicked or thrown in jail. A guy also can’t simply try to bribe a girl’s father. She’d probably steal the money and disown her father before going out with a guy like that. Guys can also forget about respectfully asking the parents for the date and expecting the girl to agree. Believe it or not, girls can make their own decisions now and don’t necessarily want their parents picking out dates for them.

What option does that leave the shy guy? Simply walk up to a girl and ask her out? That’s absurd! No human being should have to endure the excrutiating agony that is the few seconds between asking someone out and their reply. Personally, I can’t stand those moments. Don’t even get me started on dealing with rejection ….

One might think that we have progressed into an era where women would start to approach men for dates. That does happen, but only about as often as Bill Clinton shags Hillary (you guessed it, almost never).

The truth is that shy guys are stuck in a transitional limbo at the moment. We may soon be in the era where women do approach men for dates, but that is still in the future.

I still don’t have a date. I’m still shy. I’m still not desperate enough to take out a personal ad in the paper (God knows that I’m getting close). I’m sure as hell not looking forward to waiting another five to 10 years for a woman to ask me out.

I guess I might just have to bite the proverbial bullet and get some cajones. It may not be tomorrow. It may not be next week, but sooner or later, I’m gonna have to ask a woman out.

God help me. He knows I need it.

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