Year of the Dog”” opens with a compulsory “”awww”” on dozens of blissful canines chasing their own tails ’round a sunlit dog park. And there’s Molly Shannon – the latest Saturday Night Live alum compelled to try her hand at sentimentality – as Peggy, smiling down adoringly at a little beagle named Pencil, whose pools of puppy sad-eye soon make it clear that this mother-child relationship runs unnaturally deep: With all the maternal instinct of Britney Spears, Peggy even keeps her dog on her lap while driving, one-upping the infamous tabloid mom by letting Pencil slobber all over her face en route.

Sure, the gruelingly mundane, run-of-the-mill secretary type has her charms, but once Regina King (“”Miss Congeniality 2,”” “”Ray””) – a bit more amusing, not to mention an actual human being – starts fussing over a broken tooth and how she had to crazy-glue it back together, Shannon’s character is quickly upstaged by King’s ghetto-fab camp. In fact, Shannon subsequently manages to be upstaged by each overstated caricature in her supporting cast: Laura Dern (“”Jurassic Park””), as an anal, fur-loving suburban psycho-mother; John C. Reilly (“”Chicago””), as a trigger-happy hick in his pickup; and Peter Sarsgaard (“”Garden State””), who uses tongue when kissing his dog – a group of comic force that puts Shannon’s generic school-marmy act to shame. If the intent was to create a lackluster protagonist who drabs us almost to tears, writer/director Mike White, responsible for screenplays such as “”The Good Girl”” and “”Nacho Libre,”” has effortlessly succeeded.

But even the film’s more colorful characters – who help offset an inherent, contrived awkwardness – lead terminally empty existences, providing no escape from an insipid dynamic that makes each of the film’s 97 minutes crawl by flatly. When Pencil dies unexpectedly, the walls of Peggy’s fluorescent-lit, nine-to-five cubicle (complete with Cathy cartoons alongside the Pencil snapshots) gradually crumble and she immediately longs to fill the void. But Peggy’s friend Layla (King) shrewdly asks what we are all wondering: “”How are you ever going to find a boyfriend if you keep shacking up with dogs?”” So in an attempt to grow closer to Newt (Sarsgaard), an attendant from the vet’s office who persuades her to adopt a German shepherd, Peggy goes so far as to become a vegan animal rights advocate. The obsession grows until Peggy – with ivory-tower didacticism – sets on a mission to single-handedly rescue every mistreated homeless pet on the planet.

With “”Year of the Dog,”” White light-heartedly asks the question, “”Can we replace humans with animals?”” But no amount of chewed-up throw pillows or SNL veterans could make a question work whose only answer, in this case, is “”awww.””