How to Prepare
Hand sanitizer (Porta potties are not pretty.)
Sunscreen (While magical, the Sun God will not protect you from melanoma.)
Hydrate (Water before, water during, water after. Think Aquatica because if you don’t hydrate, SeaWorld will.)
Meditation and yoga (Deep breaths — not a panic attack. Yes, you will get to hear STRFKR; calm down.)
What to Bring
Phone (and phone charger because someone needs to have an obnoxious Snapchat barrage.)
Disposable camera (If you borrow your uncle’s Nikon D4, chances are you’ll have to flee the country and find a wig.)
Cellphone cardholder (Keep your friends close and your ID card closer.)
Chapstick (Channel your inner Sasha Fierce with confidence knowing your lips are protected.)
What NOT to Bring
Cash (There are vendors, but let’s be real: Save your money for something with nutritional value that won’t strip your credit card of its dignity.)
Instruments (Okay, you’re a snake charmer, I believe you. But, please, leave your flute at home, or you’ll be sent home by security.)
Pictures of Snoop Dogg (Just because you printed out a Tumblr photoset does not mean Snoopie’s going to sign it.)
Your selfie stick (Is it too much trouble to ask a nearby festival-goer for a photo? You might even make a friend or two, or a mortal enemy, in the process.)
Your mother (Sorry, Mum, but this would only work in theory. You don’t want to know what goes down at the festival.)
Your chihuahua (High chance of losing your best friend in the crowd — meaning, leave.)
Backpack (This ain’t no Dora the Explorer, honey.)
Nintendo 3DS (Sorry, but why would you want to Streetpass when you could Bonkey Kong around?)
Drugs (To be blunt, no.)
What to Wear
Headband (You do want to see Snoop Dog, right?)
Converse (classically comfy)
Thrifted fanny pack (Although the term is highly offensive to Australians, matronly accessories are the new black this year.)
Baseball hat (Show off your obnoxious pride while preventing your head from developing a malignant skin cancer.)
A watch (Time is a social construct, but anyone that’s out of time is out of mind.)
Sunglasses (So nobody will see the midterm bags under your eyes.)
What not to Wear
Light-colored clothing (This is not a stain-resistant environment. Don’t spend your post-Sun God Festival Monday morning hunting down a Tide to Go bleach pen.)
Sandals (Protect your phalanges. They don’t grow back.)
Skinny jeans (Dancing just isn’t possible in these death traps.)
Jacket (This is the Sun God Festival not the Arctic. Might want to get a refund for your easy three-step online degree in geography. De nada.)
Chunky jewelry (You never know when someone will use your own adornments against you.)
Your retainer (Your orthodontist will forgive you, but let’s be real: You haven’t worn it for the past month. Don’t tell him I said that!)
Time Sensitive Mixed Drinks
Got an hour?
Berry-flavored liquor
+
Champagne
+
Basil leaves
Got a few minutes?
Planter’s punch (in the face)
+
Rum
+
Lemon juice
+
Grenadine syrup
+
Fruit juice (Based on personal preference. But please, refrain from using Kool-Aid, cause that ain’t crunk)
Got about thirty seconds?
Fireball
+
Apple juice