We’ve reached the year’s end! Now just one more exam-crammed two-week sprint until we’re done! If you’re lucky, this means beach basking and Slurpee sipping the summer away. But if you’re like me, it means graduation and saying a sad goodbye to a UCSD institution: ‘Lights and Sirens.’ And so it’s with a heavy heart that I present to you the final installment of ‘Stealing the Shoes’ in the form of my annual Best of ‘Lights and Sirens.’
Let’s get the ball rolling with the Outstanding Senior Award. This year’s prize is shared by three costumed characters: The troubadour who put on his own show outside the La Jolla Playhouse on April 30, wearing a Burger King crown and yelling; the fashionista dressed in all red leather at Geisel Library on Oct. 13; and the man hanging around the Institute for Telecommunications building in a ‘sailor-like’ hat on Feb. 3.
Next, the debut of a much-deserved accolade: MacGyvers of the Year. Congrats to the three young men who broke into Argo Hall over winter break armed with just a few tools and ‘a little white dog.’ Their ingenuity and prioritizing finesse is matched only by the stupidity of these next winners. This year’s Uh, You’re Dumb Award goes to the person who sent a series of threatening e-mails to the literature department, then retracted them after realizing he’d contacted the wrong department. The girl who called police after getting wasted and missing her flight home was a close runner-up. And honorable mentions go to the student who, somehow, accidentally got super glue in his eye during lab (it was ‘not burning’) and the guy who dislocated his shoulder ‘trying to get out of bed.’
Similarly, the Only at UCSD Award goes to the citizen who reported a chemical spill on April 6, emphasizing that the radioactive material had been ‘decayed over four half-lives’!
On a more somber note, I present the Most Convincing Evidence that Racism is Alive and Well in California Award to the callers who reported the black male carrying a ‘large box with candy’ on Sept. 30, the black male ‘leaning on the wall’ at Ridgewalk on Oct. 6, the black male walking toward the Chancellor’s House on Nov. 19, the black female at the La Jolla del Sol apartments on Feb. 25, the Latino male at Villa La Jolla Drive on May 11 and the Latino male ‘wearing shorts’ at the Stein Clinical Research building on Oct. 2.
To all the residents who called police on their neighbors ‘mdash; for a ‘loud fan’ on April 19, the ‘laughing’ at Goldberg Hall on Sept. 30, the ‘singing’ at Beagle Hall on April 8, the ‘talking’ in a Thurgood Marshall College dorm room on Oct. 19, the ‘jazz music’ at Africa Hall on Feb. 17 and the ‘violin playing’ at Kathmandu Hall on April 22 ‘mdash; especially the person who complained that the ‘Sun God Festival was too loud,’ you have buzzkillingly embraced UCSD’s acidic no-fun atmosphere. For this, you have earned the 2008-09 Thanks for Making This Place What It Is Award.
Changing gears, I’d like to congratulate the following couples for boldly earning a Get It Girl Award: The pair seen ‘engaging in lewd activity’ in front of Burger King just after 2 a.m. on Jan. 15, and the couple reported as ‘having sex real loud’ at Geneva Hall on May 6.
Next, the Use What You Got to Get What You Want Award goes to the 10 intoxicated ladies who, in expert fashion, strutted along Gilman Drive wearing only black underwear on Nov. 6. Honorable mentions go to the guy who found a lost cell phone on Oct. 26 and promised to return it only in Tijuana and only in exchange for $20 and a Powerade, and the person who bought lunch at Thornton Hospital with a forged $10 bill.
And finally, here’s this columnist’s last nod to college debauchery. I’m pleased to announce a four-way Shining Light in ‘Lights and Sirens’ Award tie. Congrats to the group who snuck into Canyon
view pool for some after-hours swimming on Oct. 4, the students who hauled a keg into Pacific Hall on Sun God, the guys seen climbing the bear statue on Sept. 29 and the pirate fellow hanging out near University Centers 201 on Jan. 26 with a ‘full bottle of rum.’ Thanks for lending this place a little personality.