How much control do you have over your own love life? According to Dr. Robert Epstein, former editor in chief of Psychology Today and current visiting scholar at UCSD, love doesn’t have to wait for Cupid to strike.
In PSYC 158, an upper-division course on the psychology of interpersonal relationships, students are learning what exactly makes our heads spin and knees weaken when the object of our affection is nearby. During each lecture, Epstein leads his students through a 15-minute relationship-building exercise. And, according to Epstein, nearly every student has used one of the techniques from the course to improve a relationship outside of class.
‘Soul gazing’ is a favorite among students, he said. During the first lecture, several students volunteered to stand in front of the class and gaze into each other’s eyes for two minutes.
Gazing is a form of mutual vulnerability that is not to be confused with staring, Epstein said. To stare is to look at someone intently without permission. When two people gaze at each other, they lower their defenses and create a bond.
The class reported finding a 45 percent increase in closeness after the gazing experiment.
‘[Soul gazing] is the one experiment we’ve done so far this quarter that I can actually do outside of class,’ Thurgood Marshall senior Jeffrey Jair said. ‘I can’t fall backwards into someone’s arms or hold up my palm to someone else’s to feel their body heat, but I can look into someone’s eyes.’
Epstein’s idea that love can be learned was originally derived from his research on the practice of arranged marriages in Asia. Partners don’t necessarily love or even know each other at the start of the marriage, but Epstein found that in many cases, both man and wife fell in love over time.
‘In the Western world, we tend to believe that love is something we entrust to chance,’ Epstein said. ‘We leave it up to Hollywood producers to tell us the story of how love works. This course is about empowering students. They can have some control over the development of their relationships outside of the classroom.’
Like most psychology courses at UCSD, students are assigned reading from a textbook for homework.
Students have the opportunity to earn extra credit by marking the progress of their own relationships outside of the classroom. However, grades will be determined by the appropriate application of course material rather than its success, Epstein said.
In order to participate in the real-life assignment, students are required to sign a waiver ensuring that the university will not be held responsible for consequences such as emotional heartbreak.
‘The things we are learning are enhancing our relationships,’ Jair said. ‘This is one class where we can actually apply the things we learn to the real world.’
In January, Epstein signed a production deal with the Wolper Organization to produce a reality TV series called ‘Making Love’ ‘mdash; expected to air spring 2010 ‘mdash; in which couples across the nation will participate in relationship exercises and measure their progress.
‘I want to give them the tools to strengthen their relationships,’ Epstein said. ‘I want to show people out there that there are research-based methods that are proven to be successful in improving relationships.’
Readers can contact Gloria Wu at [email protected].