It’s 10th week and us college kids are more beat than a Koala girl’s face. Whether you’ll pass that bio class, your pit-stained T.A. only knows. But I can guarantee one thing during this quarter’s painful home stretch: You will drink caffeine. Not because you want to, but because your finals week existence depends on it.
Thirsty readers beware: consuming the sacred juice isn’t intuitive. We’ve all gulped-down one too many Monsters pre-midterm only to crash after the second question. Your choice in beverage is absolutely imperative to your studying success. So, here goes my personal guide to caffeine.
Tea: Lots of people diss tea because they think it’s a pussy drink. But that’s probably because they’re drinking Sleepytime. Fact is black-leaf varieties offer a light, calming buzz. Even if they’re too weak to power productivity, they keep you lasting through late-night pillowtalk. Plus, there’s something about seeping a bag of grassy shit in hot water that just makes you feel all natural ‘n’ stuff.
Soda: Who can say no to those sassy carbon-dioxide bubbles rising to your Coke’s surface? Not me. But if you think this sugary drink is going to get you past a 15 minute giggly period, think again. For the caffeine-saturated college student, pop is nothing more than a sugary distraction and should not be used in serious energy emergencies.
Coffee: I’ve never fully connected with the grain, but its still an undoubtably reliable day drink.’ One or two cups will gradually improve your mood and raise your energy level, but the third or fourth usually renders mild anxiety and sweaty palms. And there’s a catch-22 for all those Frappuccino drinkers who can’t go straight black: Too much milk and sugar ultimately make you feel bloated and sluggish ‘mdash; exactly what you don’t want interfering with morning-to-night stamina.
Energy drinks: When you have to bulldoze through a 12 pager and don’t see that thesis on gender normatives happening without raised spirits and lighter eyelids, skip the nature-based substances and go for the greenish-brown manufactured stuff. Call me an addict, but often my day’s highlight is pounding a Red Bull, sitting back and feeling the glucuronolacatone run through my veins. Suddenly those 20 pages of reading don’t seem so ambitious and your night-owl instinct takes over.
Miscellaneous: I don’t recommend mixing beverages, but when in doubt, be creative. The bold caffeine-consumer integrates their favorites fixes into other traditional combos. Why not replace milk with Monster in tomorrow’s cereal bowl? Or mix some caffeine pills into your daily vitamin bottle for a little surprise? Who knows, you might even learn to love the look of your Cheerios floating in a fizzling green substance.
Now that I’ve shared my expertise, take shameless advantage of your sleep-deprived self and go get jittery.