Sure, jetting off to a foreign country is glamorous and all, but all the true adventurers are staying in the states this spring break. So grab a few friends, load up the most reliable car you can find with road-trip essentials (U.S. map, cash, camera and extra memory stick, sleeping bags, tent with rain tarp, hiking clothes, casual clothes, night-out clothes, lots of water and a large bag of potato chips for later) and get the hell out of La Jolla.
Set the ground rules ahead of time: Road trips are about stopping wherever the road takes you, so make sure nobody in your group gets too caught up on the destination. I mean, if you need to stop at the world’s largest thermometer, you need to stop at the world’s largest thermometer – no explanation necessary, that’s the point. Start your journey the way Hunter S. Thompson would: Vegas. Geographically it’s a great place to spend the first night; you don’t want to overwhelm yourselves with too much driving right out of the gates. But be careful to budget your funds. Go the cheap motel route and check out the economical novelties old Vegas (Fremont Street) has to offer. Or, if you do decide to hit the strip, get your eat and drink on ahead of time and bring some hot girls to get you into clubs, but drink plenty of water so you won’t be too hungover to wake up early and head east on I-15.
Remember, this trip is about seeing all the great Southwest has to offer, and in Utah that means polygamists. So as you pass through Hurricane (and take advantage of appropriate ‘rock you like a’ photo opportunities) don’t he
sitate to take a half-hour detour to visit the Merry Wives Cafe. Seriously, do it. But watch the time because the girls at Hildale’s only restaurant close their kitchen up early. Once you’ve had your fill of heartland cooking and fundamentalist living, set out into the red-dirt wilderness.
Try to snag a campsite inside Zion National Park, because those commercial ones really gouge you, and set up that rain tarp! The area is prone to night showers even during the skin-melting summer heat. After setting up camp, go exploring. Leave the park and try to find a single street lamp, to witness a real-life Discovery Channel ballet as bats swoop out of the majestic dark and devour bugs swarming near the light. Set an alarm before you nestle into your sleeping bag; you’ll want to wake up early enough to see the sunrise (partially because it’s gorgeous and partially because it gets so densely hot that if you sleep in, you’ll feel like you just woke up from being born.
Zion has a pretty sweet setup. It’s got a great range of paths to suit novice and expert hikers alike and a cute trolley system to take you midday-break site seeing around the park. Unless you’re really hardcore, you should stick to the simple trails – easygoing exploration is more fun anyway. And definitely check out more than one path! While the front of the park’s beginner trails take you past cinematic waterfalls and mountain pools, the back of Zion has even cooler river-made slot canyons.
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After a long and sweaty day of hiking the last thing you’ll want to do is pile back into the car, but there’s something special waiting if you can just make it to Green River. There’s nothing special about this middle-of-nowhere hotel circle at first glance, but check into a suite at the Super 8 Motel (don’t worry, the suite is still cheaper than any other hotel) and watch your excursion mates’ faces as they scan the room, because past the dingy bathroom and across from the tacky-motel bedspread lies a giant, heart-shaped Jacuzzi tub. No lie. Truckers need to honeymoon somewhere, after all. Bonus: Come morning, Super 8 has a respectable continental breakfast so you can snag some extra Froot Loops for the road.
And you’ll be on the road for a while. You know how people say the Midwest is just a bunch of cornfields? They’re right. Once you get past the Rockies – and that long-forgotten potato-chip bag explodes from the altitude – there’s a whole lot of corn and soybeans, plus some cultural nostalgia in the form of Buffalo Bill’s gravesite and Oregon Trail stopover-point Fort Kearney (now used for ‘died of dysentery’ photo ops).
Make sure to watch your gas tank through these states, as service stations aren’t frequent. Also, if you decide to stop at one after sundown, keep in mind that it’s probably the only light source for 100 miles, which means every flying bug in the county is waiting to swarm your car.
Soon enough you’ll be in Chicago! Get ready for the fanciest 7-Elevens this great land has to offer. And definitely take advantage of the city’s excellent public transportation (you might just see two old men break into fisticuffs). After you’ve spent a half day doing all that touristy museum and park stuff, and a day and a half free roaming and enjoying real Chicago food – it’s not all hot dogs and deep-dish pizza – you’ll be back on the road.
After more touristing in St. Louis (claustrophobia isn’t worth the cost of going up in the arch, but the first-floor museum is worth a peek), you’ll be on your way to Tulsa, Okla. -‘Ecirc;the land of Sonic Burger cherry limes and colossal churches, seriously, complete with rotating neon JESUS signs. While you’re in the area, you have to visit the Oklahoma Aquarium. It’s got probably the world’s only indoor beaver exhibit, info on how to enjoy the aquarium’s residents at home in your very own kitchen and even a go-fishing pond for the kids.
By this point in your adventure Spring Quarter is about to start, so fly through the tip of Texas and New Mexico until you hit Winslow, Ariz., for a rest (there’s a great Route 66 Motel that’s super cheap and the incense-burning caretaker will hook you up with the most recently cleaned room). But be careful, cops in this Eagles-glorified small town get their kicks hassling visitors. In the morning you can stop by Standing on the Corner Park, or visit one of the area’s many authentic corners. And your next move is up to you – stop by the Grand Canyon for more national park camping and hiking, head to Los Angeles for neon-lit clubbing, or race back to S.D. to get in some beach time before class.