As Winter Quarter winds down and the roommate habits we once found cute grow increasingly obnoxious, it’s important to stop reminiscing about our former lives of solitary splendor and start perfecting practical solutions to deal with our tiny dorm rooms. Living with a complete stranger reminds us that sleeping naked and toenail chewing aren’t very endearing habits. But even more, it forces us to take a step back and realize we can no longer rely on Mommy the maid to clean up our messes. Rather, we must work with whom ‘mdash; and what ‘mdash; we’re given.
So here are some tips, from my own experience as a weathered roommate, on how to deal with common issues when you are at your wit’s end.
First off, those stuck with the drowsy-eyed roommate who requires’ 16 hours of sleep each night to function, and who consequently kicks you out of your room at 7:30 p.m., should consider relocation. Find the comfiest couch you can ‘mdash; whether it’s in your dorm’s common lounge or the nearest Starbucks ‘mdash; and claim it as your own. Take refuge in these public areas, because with great focus, they can easily be transformed into your own private study room. Pretty soon, uncomfortable passersby will stop asking you to move your pile of books from the couch, and if you make a butt imprint in your favorite chair, no one will dare touch it. Plus, with an unlimited supply of caffeine at your grasp, you might just be more efficient. With this compromise, your narcoleptic roomie can sleep in peace, while your couch-conquering prowess will earn you some relieving elbow room.
In terms of actual dorm cleanliness, OCD companions are tricky. I’ve come home to see my current bug-fearing roommate crawling on her hands and knees for a full 20 minutes in search of creepy crawlers in our room’s every crevice. Her reluctance to keep our window open in fear that bugs might slither through the screen has left our room smelling prison-cell rancid. To combat mystery scents of any kind, ignore your roommate’s complaints of security or temperature and bust open a window. Basking in a fresh breeze should be everyone’s individual right, and cannot be sacrificed. During business hours, invest in some Febreeze or illegally burn some incense. But don’t forget to throw your roomie a bone every once in a while and help her slow her breathing when she mistakes a piece of bed lint for a ravaging, disease-ridden fly.
As for ridding yourself of unwanted noise ‘mdash; deafening music and endless phone calls ‘mdash; the best policy is honesty. The truth hurts, but peace and quiet will only be a distant dream unless you remind your roommate that not everyone thinks Katy Perry is a lyrical genius. The next time you’re at your desk, desperately trying to finish a paper and the only way you can think to complete a sentence on heteronormativity is to comply with Beyonc’eacute;’s demand to ‘put a ring on it,’ don’t be afraid to say something. Suggesting headphones, or’ relocation altogether isn’t rude ‘mdash; it’s necessary to your sanity. Remember, you are paying for half of that room. Demanding your right to silence is OK. This straightforward solution may be intimidating, but when you turn in your paper the next day without any references to Leona Lewis, you’ll be patting yourself on the back.
For most, stepping out of bed onto a slew of dirty laundry is nearly as horrifying as the potent scent of moldy, three-week old milk in your fridge. Address this situation by swallowing your ego and becoming the
maid. Do weekly fridge cleanings, vacuum regularly and put the rest of your energy into keeping your side neat because as tempting as it may be, ignoring the mess as a silent form of protest will only add to your discomfort. When she comes home to find her dirty underwear neatly piled on her pillow, or the crusty, half-empty packages of turkey on her desk, she is bound to take a hint.
Good roommates are hard to find, and it’s likely that disagreements will pop up often while sharing such a small area. But with my suggestions, even the most incompatible personalities can mesh. Although I have not been blessed with the ideal roomie, I have learned to put away the complaints and bust out the big guns. Not only has my building named the comfy green chair in our communal lounge after me, but my roommate no longer goes into cardiac arrest when I open the window. Baby steps, people, baby steps.