Living with four guys dictates three bathroom constants in my life: 1) the toilet seat is eternally up, 2) a cardboard roll hangs like a resident corpse in our toilet-paper holder and 3) entertaining reading material is a guarantee in the form of David Deida’s ‘The Way of the Superior Man.’ Although this men’s self-help book has been in print for nearly six years and is so popular that I’ve heard it referenced by past boyfriends, I’d never actually read it until I discovered it on my ceramic toilet top. Peeking at the table of contents, my eyes fell upon ‘Part Four: What Women Really Want.’
The ‘What She Wants Is Not What She Says’ subsection recounted a supposedly true tale of a couple suddenly overcome by sexual desire, hence deciding to make love in the woods. When the man becomes overexcited, he asks his wife to settle down, lest he prematurely come. She does the opposite, demanding he fill her with his ‘seed.’ He complies ‘mdash; and then she’s pissed.
This, Deida explains, is a classic example of a woman asking for one thing but wanting another. But men shouldn’t be distracted by a woman’s attempts to test their purpose. As Deida writes, ‘Your woman is a form of the goddess, taunting you, testing you, seducing you, ready to chop your head off with her wrath if you are weak and ambiguous in your truth.’
After spending Friday night watching a collection of Vagina Monologues showcasing women’s sexual wants, desires and fears, I think Deida’s forewarning of our illogical behavior oversimplifies us. And although Deida’s view of women seems crazy (other book sections include ‘She Doesn’t Really Want to Be Number One’), his bestselling status shows that a good amount of men are searching to understand women. While I think it’s hard to generalize gender tendencies in the first place, I can tell you one thing that would’ve most likely solved this tale of miscommunication: an orgasm.
If I can impart any piece of advice on a man searching to aid his relationship, it’s to drop the inapplicable theories from silly self-help books and pick up a female pleasure how-to. Of course, this won’t solve communication problems, but finding your partner’s G-spot is a much more decipherable feat than actually understanding her actions.
As confusing as human beings are, we’ve all got basic needs: food, sex and sleep. And if you’re in touch with your inner Homo sapiens, you know that long-term scarcity in any one of those categories breeds a ravenous craving. It’s about time all those befuddled men who claim the opposite sex to be enigmatic start with the basics. Suck it up and plunge into the awesome mystery that is the vagina. After all, women want to be sexually satisfied just as much as men do (so, like, a lot). And if you can’t meet that plea for satisfaction with a simple quickie, educate yourself.