2/5
Armed with the Hanson brothers’ straightener and a rock ‘n’ roll Band-Aid, the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus amps up pop-punk karaoke for their latest attempt at heralding teen glory. Gone are the screaming shards of last radio hit ‘Face Down’ to howl the plight of mean boyfriends and runny eyeliner, and spent are sweet forever ballads like ‘Your Guardian Angel.’ Instead, lonely emo fans get Lonely Road, a disarmingly forgettable trip to nowhere that’s bound to prompt a couple premature Zoloft prescriptions and a whole lot of migraines.
Even if he’s shredding like a true starry-eyed, Nirvana-bred punk on ‘You Better Pray,’ Ronnie Winter can’t help choking his mic by the throat. He ‘whoas’ and ‘yeahs’ through bridges, stabs at screamo, flings his Avril Lavigne locks and shakes and pounds and escalates into an all-out temper tantrum. Leaks of All-American Reject nasality don’t jive with Winter’s soft shudders; neither do banal, out-dated threats against George W. (the Dixie Chicks did it better in a five-Grammy sweep circa 2007, anyway).
‘ But Virgin knows it takes more than sing-alongs for a surefire single, so RJA revisit their angsty roots to pack ‘Pen and Paper’ full of wails and kid-bopping drum beats: With giant amps already shivering with feedback, Winter whines: ‘This whole routine is getting old/ And so am I.’ Couldn’t have said it better.
Road’s only outpost lies in the V-day-ready ‘Step Right Up,’ a sugar-spun, hearts-and-sleeves anthem encouraging pink hair and suburban rebellion. ‘My heart is an easy thing for you to win,’ Winter hums, hoping to reel in another spot on the Hot Topic playlist. Too bad his fans ‘mdash; grown up and miles from the ‘rents ‘mdash; couldn’t care less.