New in Town 1/5 Starring Harry Connick Jr., Siobhan Fallon ‘amp; Ren’eacute;e Zellweger Directed by Jonas Elmer Rated PG-13
Regardless of how insultingly predictable a film is, it can (and will) still appeal to a major portion of the nation ‘mdash; as long as its starring faces are pretty enough to watch. With blonde-then-brunette, frail-then-fat Hollywood chameleon Ren’eacute;e Zellweger as the featured vehicle in ‘New in Town,’ the cheeseball flick is destined to draw an enthusiastic crowd of Bridget Jones diehards.
It all seemed so promising ‘mdash; an Oscar-winning bombshell and a Danish director (Jonas Elmer), distant enough from the grave chick-flick epidemic that has overtaken our magnificent shores. Alas, Elmer has obviously done his research thoroughly, studying popular American film culture enough to slop out a sapfest as formulaic and underwhelming as any other love-potioned Joe Shmoe could in Hollywood.
So here’s the gist (which you could probably gather from the minute-long commercial alone): Lucy Hill (Zellweger) is a majorly stressing high-up exec at some deathly important, suspiciously immoral corporation ‘mdash; you know, the kind with all the douchy ties walking around like they’ve got more than a couple things to hide. When her co-workers decide that one of the corporation’s ramshackle factories is costing them money, Hill volunteers to get her hands dirty. She plans to inspect the factory and retrain its workers, willing to terminate those who can’t quite meet the challenge. But there’s a twist: The factory is located in Minnesota ‘mdash; a far cry from the sandy paradise of Hill’s Miami hometown.
But this blue-collar beauty is blinded by a hunger to climb the corporate ladder (why she didn’t just sleep her way to the top will always be a mystery), and thus books the next available flight to Middle America. A true maverick.
Surprise, surprise ‘mdash; it turns out that the state of many lakes might as well be a different planet. Not only is the weather 10 times too chilly, but the townies are completely pedestrian. And everyone wears ugly shoes. Zellweger’s arrival recalls that infamous ‘Legally Blonde’ entrance, sans Reese Witherspoon’s glimmer of smarts to offest that thick veneer of West-Coast idiocy.
Thankfully, Hill doesn’t scorn the wintry nights for long. Enter Ted Mitchell (Harry Connick Jr.), sporting a rather somber face ‘mdash; a face he wears for the length of the film ‘mdash; who pretends to despise the shapely suit sent from Florida to lay down the law. The consummation of their secret love is deterred by a classic element of conflict that shouldn’t have been attempted at all, because we’re just waiting for them to make out.
As mentioned, Connick, Jr. is set on stone-face autopilot, and, for the immobility of mouth,’ delivers all his lines in a crusty monotone. Zellwegger is charming enough, but at the ripe age of 39, her perpetual sucking-on-a-lemon face has reached new extremes, with a pout that almost never unpuckers. An obligatory supporting cast is thrown into the mix for comedic value, but they don’t seem ready for even that job.
One exception is J.K. Simmons (known for his hilarious portrayal of J. Jonah Jameson in the ‘Spider Man’ films), who plays the exaggerated Stu Kopenhaffer. Simmons has so long been cast as the loud, sardonic, fast-speaking boss that he’s a true master at it, and highlights the film with a glowing performance that almost makes the film worth watching. Almost.