With four teams remaining in the NFL playoffs, it seems only fitting, and symmetrical, to give two reasons why each of the remaining teams will or won’t win.
Philadelphia Eagles
Why they’ll win:
1. Philadelphia has a winner’s mentality. After knocking the Cowboys from playoff contention and eliminating the defending Super Bowl champion Giants, the Eagles can indeed lay claim to being the best of the NFL’s most complete division. While friends who live there have continually described the city of Philadelphia as, to put it mildly, a diaper factory where all the diapers have been used and all the people appear to enjoy the scent of their own feces, the Phillies are also coming off a World Series win that has made the entire area feel invincible. Plus, the movie ‘Invincible’ was pretty good and ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ is hilarious, so I guess that helps in some way.
2. The Eagles have been to the NFC Championship game before. Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid made themselves an annual fixture at the conference championships from 2002 through 2005. The streak culminated in a 27-10 win over the Atlanta Falcons that earned the Eagles a trip to their first Super Bowl since Ron Jaworski was playing for the team, rather than simply fellating himself while watching them. Philadelphia understands the pressure of this situation far better than the Cardinals and, due to previous experience, has a tested routine heading up to this type of game.
Why they won’t win:
1. The Eagles have been to the NFC Championship game before ‘hellip; and they usually lose. Philadelphia’s four conference championship losses have been one of the main rallying cries for those picking the boosters. However, it’s not simply that the Eagles have lost more often than they have won in the final step to the Super Bowl ‘mdash; it’s that, like this year, they were almost always favored to win.
2. Donovan McNabb got benched. Some feel that McNabb’s benching against Baltimore has awakened him. However, having played poorly enough that Andy Reid ‘mdash; who loves McNabb like Andy Reid loves cake ‘mdash; would bench him, means that McNabb has shown, this season and previously, to be capable of unpredictably awful games.
Arizona Cardinals
Why they’ll win:
1. Kurt Warner is a winner. The story of Warner’s rise from working at a supermarket to winning a Super Bowl has been well-documented. However, after Marc Bulger unseated him in St. Louis, after he backed up Eli Manning in New York and after he found himself in a quarterback competition with Josh McCown early on in Arizona, the story was supposed to be over. Warner, however, keeps coming back and thus can’t be counted out.
2. Arizona’s offense is the best of all the remaining squads. While the Steelers and Ravens have strength in numbers in terms of their running games and Brian Westbrook is the most exciting offensive player remaining, the Cardinals can rack up the points ‘mdash; they scored 30 or more in eight of their 11 wins on the year. Plus, Arizona did most of that without a true running game that has seemingly been discovered during the playoffs.
Why they won’t win:
1. Their defense cannot possibly be this good. It’s hard to believe that Arizona is now a defensive juggernaut after allowing 35 or more points in back-to-back losses to the Vikings and Patriots, as well as 56 to the Jets and 48 to the Eagles on Thanksgiving. After watching Delhomme’s birthday meltdown, you can be sure that McNabb won’t get caught in the same air-it-out formula that resulted in so many Arizona takeaways. Adrian Wilson is great, but as a whole, the Cardinals’ defense is due for another awful performance.
2. They’re the Arizona Cardinals. Come on, it’s the Cardinals! I know we just witnessed the previous laughingstock Tampa Bay Rays advance to the World Series, but still, they are the Cardinals. People in Arizona don’t even really like this team. They just go to the stadium because of the air conditioning and free wi-fi ‘mdash; people in Arizona love sitting in large air-conditioned areas while looking at pornography. If the Cardinals make it to the Super Bowl, people like Dane Cook are going to start thinking they could one day get an Oscar nomination, and I refuse to deal with that kind of unfounded optimism.
Joe goes with: Eagles 35, Cardinals 29.
Pittsburgh Steelers
Why they’ll win:
1. The Steelers are the most complete team remaining. The top-seed New York Giants and Tennessee Titans are both out. The second-seed and popularly predicted Carolina Panthers were done by halftime. The Steelers, meanwhile, took care of the Chargers ‘mdash; the team riding with the most momentum into and through the first round of the playoffs. Pittsburgh showed that it was great throughout the year and then, unlike all the other teams receiving first-round byes, showed up for the playoffs. Their defense is dominating but, just as importantly, their offense has all the pieces to build a lead and then dominate the clock to protect it.
2. Mike Tomlin is an awesome coach. Lost in all the conjecture about where former Steelers coach Bill Cowher might end up is the fact that current Steelers coach Mike Tomlin (yes, the guy who looks like Omar Epps) stepped in to lead this team without missing a beat. Injuries to Ben Roethlisberger or Willie Parker might have derailed other squads, but the Steelers stayed on track, and while linebacker James Harrison was deservingly lauded for his performance, it’s Tomlin who sets the calming and focused tone for the entire team.
Why they won’t win:
1. It’s hard to beat any team three times in a single season. While having beaten the Baltimore Ravens twice already during the season should seemingly give Pittsburgh the mental edge leading into the game, both of those contests were close. The Ravens are due to pull out one of these close contests. The reason division foes usually prove to be the toughest tests, particularly in the playoffs, is because they know each other so well; the Ravens have probably learned a lot about Pittsburgh from their earlier encounters this year.
2. Troy Polamulu isn’t at top speed. The Steelers’ safety is reportedly taking it easy this week after injuring himself prior to the Chargers game. While Polamulu will definitely play, his weakened state last week made what should have been a total rout of San Dieg
o into a 35-24 win, and Polamulu recorded only three tackles in the game. For the Steelers defense to be at its dominating best, Polamulu will need to have an impact that rivals the size of his beautiful mane of hair.
Baltimore Ravens
Why they’ll win:
1. The Ravens, like a reformed crack whore entering college, are getting hot at the right time. After three straight losses early in the season, some thought that the Ravens, with their rookie quarterback, were still a couple of years away from contending. However, Baltimore fast-tracked the wait, losing only twice more during the season and closed out Texas Stadium by demoralizing the Cowboys with back-to-back huge touchdown runs. Baltimore might not have looked as dominating against the Titans as they did against Miami, but they still found a way to win, and in the playoffs, that’s all that matters.
2. Ed Reed is the best player remaining. Offensively or defensively, the most dominant player left in the playoffs and one of the most dominating forces in the NFL is the Ravens’ safety, Ed Reed. While not as vocal as linebacker and designated team leader Ray Lewis, Reed has risen to the role of the Ravens’ best player. He’s able to cover the entirety of the field, scaring opposing quarterbacks to even throw it near his area and at all times capable of making a turnover into a touchdown.
Why they won’t win:
1. Rookie quarterbacks are always a risky proposition. While it seems almost insane to ever pick against a quarterback named Joe, in this case, inexperience and thus far a lack of one truly amazing performance is able to lessen the impact of quarterback Joe Flacco’s Joe-ness. Flacco has shown an ability to manage a game capably, proving to fit far more into the formula that helped Trent Dilfer win a Super Bowl instead of the formula that led to Elvis Grbac working as a male model. Nonetheless, Flacco might need more than one or two strong drives and a few throws to keep up with Pittsburgh on its home field.
2. Anything the Ravens do, the Steelers do better. The Baltimore Ravens have got to this point with a ball control offense and dominating defense. However, it was the Steelers who allowed fewer yards per game, including holding opponents to an amazing AFC best average of 80.2 yards rushing per game. On the running side of the football, the Ravens have benefited from a fine rookie season from Ray Rice, Willis McGahee battling through injury, and a Pro Bowl performance from Le’Ron McClain (earning a trip to Hawaii as the Mike Alstott Award Winner for fullback who is used more like a halfback). However, again it was the Steelers who led the league running the football, racking up 165 yards per game with Willie Parker and Mewelde Moore. For the Ravens to win, they’ll have to come up with a plan to beat a more polished version of their own team.
Joe goes with: Steelers 16, Ravens 13.