Thursday, May 25, 2017

How to Cope With Academic Failure

Now, UCSD is a perfect academic haven, an intellectual ivory tower for UCLA and UC Berkeley rejects. We don’t take slackers, we’re superior. Pure, even… kind of like the bleach you spilled on your...

I Hate Mall Santas

Back in the day, when I was but a prehistoric amoeba, scuttling through the general soup of the Proterozoic era, I had a dream. More a nightmare than anything, really. I saw the image...

Admit It, Gasoline Smells Good

The crisp morning dew, the smoke from a fresh fixin’ of brisket, the cleansing scent of Tide: There are many sweet smells in this world, my friends, but the sweetest is that of Texas...

UC San Diego Rated Four Stars on Yelp

Like death and taxes, Yelp is a fact of life. It’s as ubiquitous as fanny packs once were and just as gaudy. Businesses are made to dance by the overwhelmingly red website’s user-based advice,...

Constitution of the Gutter

We the People of the Guardian newspaper, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Humor, ensure literary Poignancy, provide for the common laughter, promote general Amusement, and secure the Blessings of Journalism...

LATEST NEWS

Faculty Response to Crossroads Shooting

Dear Students and Members of the Community, As UC San Diego faculty, we write in response to the mass shooting that took place on April...