Columns

Nightmares Can Sound So Sweet

Last summer, I began keeping track of my dreams. The process wasn’t formal — I’d simply wake up, struggle to recall the color of the Pope’s eyes as he stormed my apartment complex, or what I did after eating that psychedelic hard-boiled egg in Balboa Park, and then I’d jot it down to the best of my ability. ...

Color Me Blue: Arrested Development Returns

It’s back. It’s finally back. The cast and producers of Arrested Development are in talks with Showtime and Netflix about shooting and airing a short season of the cult-classic television show leading up to the release of a feature-length film. I very nearly blue myself in excitement. I’m sure somewhere out there, Tobias did too. ...

A Day in the Life: UCSD Women’s Soccer

For an athlete on the women’s soccer team, practices are scheduled every weekday at 11 a.m., though players find themselves at the pitch around 10:45 a.m. — that is, unless they need to be in the ATR (athletic training room) to tape a bum ankle or rehab a busted knee, in which case players can be expected to hobble in anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour before they even reach the field. ...

Single White Female Seeks Atheist Big Spoon

One week in, and I can already tell my first, and likely last, online dating account (on the popular website OkCupid) is the best possible version of myself. Yes, I chose a flattering photo. Yes, I refrained from including the sarcastic answers I personally find endearing, but are undeniably interpreted as bitchy to those that are not well versed in Grade-A Los Angeles sass. And yes, I did click the button that said I like dogs even though I don’t, in fact, like dogs. I can tolerate them.  ...

Tim, Eric and the War on Humor

Humor isn’t funny. When you’ve second-guessed friendships discussing “The Big Lebowski” and can respectably choose a life partner based on “a good sense of humor,” clearly, it is some serious shit. And though we’d like to believe in putting our differences aside to see our Christopher Guest in their Larry the Cable Guy, it’s just impossible. What makes us laugh is a reflection of ourselves — one that we loyally defend despite the criticism of unfazed naysayers. ...

Alcohol Is No Reason to be MADD

As a result of Mothers Against Drunk Driving’s (MADD) unrelenting crusade against alcohol, a bill (Assembly Bill 183) that would ban the sale of alcohol at self-checkout lanes is now on Gov. Jerry Brown’s desk. Despite MADD’s noble intentions, there is scant evidence to support their cause. ...