Columns

I’m sorry world — I don’t like Zooey Deschanel. I fall into the camp of people who roll their eyes when she does something “adorkable,” instead of breaking out into a spontaneous rendition of “You Make My Dreams Come True.” ...

It is a truth universally acknowledged that doomsayers determined to point out the slippery slope of politics will always reference 1984. With its vision of Big Brother, trackers and the thought police, George Orwell’s political classic has become the tired go-to for anyone threatened by big government — and even, as of last Tuesday, for members of the government itself. On Nov. 8, the novel was referenced six times by the Supreme Court while hearing the case of whether police should be able to track anyone via GPS. ...

The U.S. Department of Energy released a report last week that world emissions of carbon dioxide jumped 6 percent in 2010 — a figure far worse than what climate scientists predicted four years ago. And half of the increase is attributable to China and the United States. Despite all of this, President Obama halted the Environmental Protection Agency’s efforts to regulate air quality in September, succumbing to a belief that regulations would kill jobs. ...

Since Occupy Wall Street began on Sept. 17, there’s been a lot of yelling — but, sadly, not much singing. Though the protest and all its subsequent nationwide occupations began over 50 days ago, there has yet to be a single significant protest song like the anthems that shook the movements of the ’60s. ...

It started as joke. Weary of the predictable Halloween movie night fare, a few friends and I took a tip from a popular “Best of Nicolas Cage” viral video and rented “Vampire’s Kiss” — a little-known 1988 vampire dramedy starring Cage and a host of low-profile supporting actors. ...

I pride myself on being level-headed. I rarely raise my voice. I’m not tempted to hurt the people who cut me off on I-805. I no longer bat an eye at Alexandra Wallace-like examples of Internet stupidity. And yet, the most obvious chink in my armor of apathy involves something seemingly inconsequential: my Kindle. Every time someone makes snide comments about how real books are much better, I fantasize about how hitting said person over the head with the combined weight of all the books I’ve read on the damn device. (Note: I’ve read more than 52 books this year; average length: 600 pages.) ...

Dating in this day and age is a novel concept. Aside from uncomfortable first date movie scenes, Generation Y has little-to-no knowledge or interest in legitimate dating. This is by no means meant to be a “chivalry is dead” sort of rant. Because chivalry isn’t dead; it’s just evolved — or may I say devolved — since all a guy really has to do to impress the average girl these days is actually call her when he says he will (sad but true). ...

I hate San Diego roads — I really do. I can hardly read a book on the bus or keep a cup of coffee from spilling while traveling over the endless potholes lining the city. ...

Disclaimer: I read a lot of zombie literature. The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z sit on my bedside table, and I’ve already planned out my survival strategy in the event of an undead apocalypse. I don’t know if I should share the finer details, but it may or may not involve requisitioning Geisel Library and burning down the first few flights of stairs. And crossbows. Lots of crossbows. ...

There’s a reason I guard my iTunes like the Sorcerer’s Stone: I listen to a lot of embarrassing shit. ...