Dick’s Last Resort

After a 19-minute drive to the restaurant’s location on 4th Street, my girlfriends and I were ready to chow down. The night started with a taciturn server coming over with plastic bibs and taking his time tying them on each person.  Next, a disgruntled waiter jotted down our drinks, not hesitating to tell those who ordered water that they were cheap.  Before our drinks arrived, the waiter returned with a white paper hat- — reading “Birthday Bimbo is not cheap, she just dresses like it”-— that he plopped on the lucky girl. Throughout the night, numerous hats were passed out to our party, with charmers like “My name is Bubbles,” “I blow Bubbles,” “I am just like this hat, white and flat,” “Backdoor Princess” and “I have better balance on my knees.”

The gut-bustingly funny abuse didn’t stop there; our bib server had taken to walking around the restaurant, popping balloons behind oblivious customers to startle them out of their stupor.  Fed up, a friend of mine yelled at him,( in jest, of course); he responded, ever gracious, with a middle finger. Another girl needed change for a $20 bill, but when she handed him the green, he stuffed it in his boxers and walked away (luckily, he returned with change a minute later).  Two girls requested photos and the bib server was happy to oblige. He readily posed for the camera, convincing two girls to pose with him in a sex position (sans nudity).

Dick’s waiters knew how to hit where it hurt — they mocked girls’ eating habits, teasing them for opting for a salad (though, ironically, their salads turned out to be quite good). Taking the cue, I ordered a hearty helping of ribs and was complimented for knowing “how to eat right.”  Despite the hooplah and their prompt arrival, the ribs were a dry and flavorless letdown, akin to eating ribs from Plaza dining hall. The dinner was a bit pricey for those who watch their wallets — main dishes can cost up to $20.

Fortunately, Dick’s redeemed itself — the desserts were divine.  The Mile-High Peanut Butta Pie was huge, incredibly thick and insanely creamy.  I also treated myself to an Extreme Brownie Meltdown, Dick’s version of a brownie sundae, made from the perfect storm of fresh, warm brownie and sweet, cold ice cream.  It’s worth the laughs: The antics of the staff made my night, and the waiter was (surprisingly) kind behind his rude façade. He gave the birthday girl a free dessert on his dime and helped split the check once the bill came in. Always funny, Dick’s take on the dining experience is a refreshing novelty.  If down and dirty dining is your thing, be sure to grab a bite at Dick’s —  not for the food, but for that rare chance to sport a demoralizing “I wear granny panties” hat.