While I have to admit that I’m not exactly politically aware, I know enough to be totally dissatisfied with the available choices in the upcoming elections. If I do choose to exercise my right to vote, I will be voting not for the best man for the White House, but rather, for the lesser of two evils.
To date, I have been singularly unimpressed with the abilities and character of both Vice President Al Gore and Gov. George W. Bush. Since it doesn’t seem very hard to find better candidates than these two, I’d like to suggest a few other choices.
If you like what you see, write one of these in on your ballot– it won’t change anything for the United States, but it may make you feel a little better about your contribution to democracy.
1. Chancellor Dynes: As far as I can tell, he hasn’t done anything too drastic at UCSD. If he does the same for the country, we should be safe — unless he actually has to handle a war or something.
2. Jesse Jackson: I’m actually pretty sad that Jesse’s not running this year. I like him. Unfortunately, our country really, really likes old, white males, and Jesse just doesn’t fit into the “”white”” part of that.
3. Oprah Winfrey: Oprah really seems to have her act together. What’s more, she has spent her entire life trying to solve other people’s problems, so she’s got plenty of practice. She even has a considerable following built up. Unfortunately for her campaign, she’s not white, and she’s not an old man (see above).
4. Scott Foley: For those of you who don’t spend your Wednesday night watching the WB, Foley plays Noel on “”Felicity.”” I’ve been madly in love with his character for a while now, and I fully believe that he’s able to handle the demands of the U.S. presidency.
5. Britney Spears: I just want to get her doing something for a living other than singing and showing off her stomach. Maybe if she’s busy handling the nation, she won’t have time to dance.
6. Mister Rogers: Unlike the candidates I’ve seen, Fred Rogers is honest, trustworthy, intelligent, and really does have our best interests in mind. He’s got my vote any day.
7. Hillary Clinton: Just kidding.
Last, but certainly not least: me. I think that I’d make a great president. I promise to stay away from sexual scandal and to be slightly less obnoxious than Bill Clinton.
I don’t have a clue how to handle the taxes or the situation in Israel, but I don’t think that Gore and Bush do either, so we’re all even. As soon as I come up with a catchy slogan, you’ll see me in the running. I can count on your votes, can’t I?
Well, I hope I’ve given you all something serious to think about today. What do you want for your country in the future? Take a stand.
Let’s get some decent people in the White House. I’ve given you some suggestions, but feel free to come up with your own. You have a whole country of people to choose from.